Overflow.

I tried sleeping about an hour ago and of course I am restless. How can I be so exhausted yet unable to drift off?! I have a tendency to over analyze everything when I lay down at night and tonight is no exception. I think "over analyzing" often has a negative connotation to it but it doesn't always have to be that way. Tonight as I lay in bed my thoughts drifted to my absolute happy place: the direction my life is headed and who it will soon be forever shared with. There has been SO much going on in my life recently that I never thought would've been happening at the mere age of 21 but life is never as we plan...and for that I am so very thankful. This engagement period Austin and I are going through is so bittersweet. It's awful to say that, I guess, but it has been SO stressful. Do not get me wrong, I am so happy and grateful for my sweet fiance, but this whole wedding planning thing is overwhelming! I was once an uber perfectionist and I am finding myself not even really caring much about the details anymore. All of the big things are done and I'm so caught up with WEDDING stuff 24/7 that I'm just over it and ready to be married. I hate this though. It is a one time thing and something every girl dreams of BUT no one tells you when you're little that other princesses want your venues the same day you do, that you have to organize lots of boys to get their right tuxes on time, that you have to come up with centerpieces for 30+ tables, and that once your wedding dress is fitted you can't gain ONE ounce. I am just so ready to see Austin at the end of that aisle and know that everything will be okay. Let's just say I've been relying on my best friends and lots of wine for these past few months! :) But seriously, I am having the time of my life planning my future I just wish it was less stressful but maybe I just need to stop being a baby and really take the time to enjoy all these moments because like I said, this is a one time thing. I am so so lucky to have the family and friends that I do though that are helping me pull of this BEAUTIFUL event in 5 months though..it will truly be a night to remember and I am so excited to be a Mrs.!

Austin and I have decided to stay in Crawfordsville for now and save money before we move back to Georgia (thank you JESUS!!) since Austin has a job with benefits and insurance and I have my salon here. We also have a house to rent for an unbelievable price that is furnished and that we love so I am feeling very blessed. We even get to paint and decorate! I am so excited..for all that know me, this is right up my alley! We picked swatches this week and are starting to paint in the next few weeks and shop around for some things for it. I would love a new couch and chair for the living room and a new headboard for our bed..so we will see! We're also registering on friday and I am so anxious to get my hands on that price gun!! Ha. I am ate up. It just BLESSES my heart to know that people are willing to come together to watch Austin and I get married and I wouldn't trade the beautiful souls I know for anything. Its just so wonderful to watch how God allows things to play out. I am so happy and I don't know how my life could've ever ended up any better.

Hmm any other random things I should fill the blog-world in on..well, I've been working out with Austin and am actually loving it..I'm planning to get my 1 Samuel 16:7 half sleeve tattooed after the wedding, I have decided to update my wardrobe to more adult-ish and start investing in quality staple pieces and I started by organizing my closets and purging all the old..it feels so refreshing and somewhat homemaker-ish which we all know I need practice on cause I'm gonna be a WIFE soon..such a weird term!! I'm loving living at home for the last time in my life and seeing my family all the time..it's been so good to have Brennan home..I'm still unhealthily obsessed with Pinterest and have been trying to channel my inner-artist lately and I LOVE it..and other than that I can honestly say that my life consists of wedding stuff! Funny how that comes full circle and we're BACK to wedding. I'm telling you, I can't escape it. Ha.

Off to bed..been listening to Hillsong and Ellie Holcomb's new album Magnolia (based on the Psalms..soo good..go buy it on iTunes!!) and it has me in such a comforted state. I am so in love with a God who is in complete and total control of EVERYTHING and NOTHING is too big for Him..NOTHING. I have just recently begun to grasp that concept..that everyone on earth has problems yet Christ has time for us all. Talk about wonderful! Okay I could go on and on! I'm really going..okay..goodnight!

You Watch Over Me.

You watch over me in the darkest valleys.

You watch over me when the night seems long.

You help me to see, the way before me.

You watch over me, You watch over me.

"..and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you," And so we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?" -Hebrews 13:5-6

In a matter of a few days my life has drastically changed. Austin got a call about a job back in Georgia on Thursday and is hearing back from them tomorrow. He has been offered a position with the water dept. for the county he lives in and it is something he has been waiting on for a long time, even before he moved here to Indiana to be with me. If he is offered this job tomorrow we will be packing up (AGAIN) and heading down to GA! I know..I just started a salon here in Crawfordsville with the help of my precious family and dear friend Morgan Servies-Smith but I guess this just comes with the territory of getting married. I have to look at the bigger picture for what is best for us, our future, and our future family. We definitely knew we would end up going back to GA, as there are much better job oppportunities for Austin but we just had NO idea it would be this soon. We are even thinking about moving the wedding date up..like 6 months up. We're still trying to figure out why we even thought about waiting a year..its just too long. So with that being said, a LOT falls on tomorrow. I am delighted that Austin will be in a job he loves and has waited for but I am absolutely heartbroken that I will be once again leaving home..this time for good..and before Brennan even got home from California. I have been in constant prayer to have a peace about this if it is God's will but lets face it: someone loses. Someone has to leave their family and friends behind. We knew this going into our relationship and engagement but no one ever knew how HARD it really would be. I just have so many mixed feelings. First, selfishly: what about my job; my salon? Who will I hang out with? Will I have friends? Will I want to come home. But I don't want to leave my family. What if I get there and hate it? Will I feel stuck?...and then the selfless side kicks in: its best for our future. My family can come visit anytime. I will find a job..I will make friends. Austin will have a great job that allows him great pay and great hour, etc. I AM IN SUCH A HARD SPOT! Obviously I know we will go to GA if he gets this job but I am so desperate for a peace about it it is driving me crazy. I would follow Austin anywhere but I just wish it were easier. I am so close to my family and friends and I just can't imagine that in THREE WEEKS I could be living back in GA. There's just so much closure that would need to happen between now and then and thats what scares me I think. But I am just resting in Gods plan. This job didn't just come up randomly and I think if Austin gets it that will be our answer: time to go back. Yikes.

I really am so thankful that I am never out of Gods care and plan though. If you would've asked me one year ago today if I would be engaged, in this predicament, and at this point in my life I would have laughed in your face. But, day by day, I am falling more and more in love with life..God..and my fiance. We might not have picture perfect circumstances..but nothing I've ever done has ever been normal anyways, I'm not sure what I was expecting. :) So here's to yet another adventure brought to my life. I know I will never be given more than I can handle and there really is such peace in that..even if it means packing up my life into boxes in a matter of 2 weeks, putting together a wedding faster than I ever thought, and figuring out life as we go..at least I'm doing it all with my soulmate. Thank you, God, for Austin and for opportunities..no matter how random they may be! I don't always know what's best for me, contrary to what I may think, and somehow, someway, that is a little comforting..for I am only a man. I have a God who knew me in my mothers womb..how can I worry about a move?! It is what it is. Deep breaths, Bailey, it will all work out..it always does...

Changes.

APRIL. April..I have not blogged since April. When did my life get so hectic that I lost my motivation and drive to write. Writing is an outlet for me and I have to make this a priority again. I'm so much happier when I can sort out my daily thoughts and get my feelings out there..so better late than never, right?! I was looking back on my last entry and the thing that stuck out to me most is that I had a boyfriend then. I don't have a boyfriend now..I have a FIANCE!! Yes I'm sure everyone already knows but seriously I'M GETTING MARRIED! In a nutshell, my amazing and wonderful Austin got all moved up here and lives in the little cottage house behind my Grandpa Jim's house and is working at Temple Inland which he's not too sure of but is making great money for our life together soon! He proposed May 23 at Fogo De Chao and I have never been happier in my life. My family and friends LOVE him and he just fits right in. It's been SUCH a blast planning a wedding..my engagement ring is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen..I have my dream dress..and the details are slowly coming together..we have a HUGE wedding party with 10 bridesmaids and 10 groomsmen. How fun right!? We have switched colors and ideas already so much so I'm not exactly sure on details yet but I do know that we are getting married June 16, 2012..and believe me I am already counting down! We don't have a ceremony venue yet but have booked the Crawfordsville Country Club for the reception. All I know is that its going to be amazing and perfect and its all because of the Godly, wonderful, caring, sweet, kind, selfless, hardworking, smart and SOUTHERN man that I've fallen soo in love with. He's truly made all my dreams come true. I am the luckiest woman alive. I also know that as soon as we get married we are moving back to GA. It's not my first decision but I have to support my future HUSBAND with what is best for us and our future and with his jobs and opportunities it seems best to move..and I know that I can always do hair anywhere. I have been praying about it and I have a peace about it..God really is so faithful. I guess I'm just so happy it doesn't matter..I would follow Austin to the ends of this earth and do anything to be with him..and being 4 hours from the beach wont hurt either. ;)

Other news quickly before I pass out because its 2:30am and I'm still up watching trash tv: Brennan graduated Recruit training and is now back in Infantry training in Camp Pendleton, CA and only has about 5 weeks yet before he comes home for awhile we hope!!! He is a reservist right now so has signed on for 6 years but is not active duty so he won't be the very first to go fight but not too far behind..there's a great chance he will be deployed sometime within the next 6 years..sad but were so proud of him and cant wait to love on him and have him home at least for awhile. He has been through more than most people will ever dream and he's truly our hero. <33 Work is going well..still workin at my little salon mom and dad set up for me under Morgan Servies and I am loving it. Not tooo busy yet but slowly building a clientelle and really enjoying what I do. I've even thought about going back to school though to do something with the justice system but I can't decide. I'm just not completely fulfilled but I just think its because I'm not super busy yet. But my clients that I do have are so amazing and wonderful and I really do love what I do. It lets me be creative and doesn't even seem like a job..I am so blessed. My family is wonderful..just trying to enjoy summer together..lots of days by the pool and cookouts..OH and I turned 21 last week and had a blast celebrating! I am so thankful for my family and friends. I am one lucky girl and I owe it all to my Savior. This time last year I was dealing with so many battles and struggling with what was to come and what decisions I was supposed to make but looking back EVERYTHING good and bad happened for a reason and got me to this amazing point in my life and I've never felt so at peace and happy and like where I'm at and who I am with is RIGHT. It's amazing what obedience to Christ and prayer can do, I'm tellin ya. Well I'm off to bed..gonna go to Indy with momma tomorrow for wedding dress fittings, wedding band picking, and shopping! To God alone be the glory!!

Too Long.

I can't believe it's been so long since I've blogged. It's a shame really. I always want to say life gets too busy..but really that's no excuse. Last time I checked in things were about the same as they are now: business is great, Austin's wonderful, and I have the best friends and family around. This past weekend my family and I had the opportunity to go see our friends, The Gangloffs, for Janet's surprise 50th birthday party. It was a huge success and SUCH a blessing to be able to be there. It's so amazing how God keeps us fired up and encouraged for Him when we need it most. Being at the Gangloffs is always such a warm and open environment and it would just be so amazing if the world was like that all the time. Janet is such a beautiful and radiant example of Christ's love and what it's like to be a true and faithful believer and I look up to her so much. Even though she has been through more than anyone ever should in one lifetime, she continues to ooze Jesus and show that He is the center of her world. Happy Birthday! I'm so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life, even if I don't get to see them very often. It's just so good to be around genuine, pure, strong, and faithful Christians. I love you guys! ...........................................................................................................................................................I get to see my boyfriend this weekend, I get to see my boyfriend this weekend!!! I'm flying down to GA on Friday to see Austin and his family before he MOVES here in a few weeks and I couldn't be more excited. It'll be so good to spend time with him and everyone. God has TRULY blessed me with him. I couldn't think of anyone more perfect for me and it is just so exciting to see God's plan unfolding. I know I may be young, but I truly, fully, wholly know what love is now and it's the best feeling in the world. It blows my mind daily how He brought us together being from two completely different states but I know in my heart that it was truly meant to be. Everything is just working out perfectly and I am so ready to start my life with him. He's so wonderful and loves Jesus and respects me more than anyone ever has and I know that he's never, ever gonna leave me. That is such a wonderful feeling and I can't get enough. It's so true that absence makes the heart grow fonder..the time I do get with him is so precious and sweet and I can't wait to see his face on Friday. I never thought I would say all these goofy, mushy things, but I am so in love it's unreal and I thank God everyday for bringing me someone that I will spend the rest of my life with and can honor Him with and be so happy. ..................................................................................................................................................Life is good. God is good. I could NOT be more happy or more excited for all the amazing upcoming plans in my life. It's wonderful to look back at the past few months and see how life has bloomed. I am literally the luckiest girl in the world and I really need to start counting my blessings more often. I am so excited for everything happening, but even more excited about sharing it all with the best people on the planet. I couldn't imagine my life any different and it's only getting better. ................................................................................................................................. "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the ones who seek Him." - Lamentations 3:21-25

Blessings.

I'm sitting here curled up in my baggy sweats and glasses, pillowcase fresh out of the dryer, just finished talking to my amazing boyfriend before he goes to bed, watching tivo'd episodes of American Idol with my family. Doesn't get much better than this, folks. I'm just in awe of life's blessings lately..and it's nothing exravagant either. Like I've always heard, it's amazing how love can change your life. I appreciate things so much more and Austin has made me re-evaluate so many things and simply be thankful for the everything God blesses us with. Life could not be better. Work has been going so well, not 100% busy yet since I still need to take state boards, but I've had so many family members and friends come give me their business and it's been awesome. (Thanks guys!) We leave for our Carribean cruise Sunday and I am soo excited. My parents, Aimee, the Rykers, the Surbers, and I are going on a 7 night cruise to Belize, Grand Cayman Islands, and Cozumel. I am so ready for some sunshine and best friend time. I will not miss the United States one bit. Ha. Austin and I could not be better. He came and visited this past weekend and it was a blast. We went to Little Mexico, saw my salon, went to the Beef House, went to church, hung out and watched movies at home and just goofed off and layed around and had amazing talks. He's my best friend and I am so anxious for him to move here. Just about 3.5 more weeks and he'll be here!! We're still looking for apartments for him but I'm pretty sure he has a job lined up. Things are really falling into place. We're both just gonna work for about a year and save money until we can get married sometime next summer. I don't care that I've only known him 7 months, I am 100% sure he's who God has for me. After all, my parents got engaged after 3 months..funny how you follow in their footsteps in certain things. ;) I'm the happiest I've ever been and I owe it ALL to Christ. My parents have been pretty great with everything too, I'm just so thankful for all their love and support. Brennan's been gone 6.5 weeks today at boot camp..halfway done! I couldn't be more proud. It's a daily struggle having him gone and I think I see my momma cry at least twice a day, but the day we go to San Diego and watch him be presented with his Eagle, Globe, and Anchor and deemed a US Marine will be one of the most amazing moments we'll ever experience. I don't know many people, especially in this day and age, who are willing to go serve at 17 years old and enjoy it as much as he does. Truly an American hero and I'm so lucky to call him, "brother."

I guess it just all comes down to this: I serve one AMAZING and FAITHFUL God, I have the perfect job and am supported by so many people, and I have THE BEST friends and family in this entire world. Honestly, what more could you ask for? I am firm and confident in my salvation and relationship with Christ and know that I have people to turn to day or night for anything I would ever need. I have been blessed with way more I deserve but it's so amazing what life has to offer when you start living for God and trusting that everything..will always..be okay. It's so easy to say that we trust God when things are good but even in trials we need to have the same spirit and I'm learning to live that way. We should cling to Christ most and have full faith in His plan even when we can't see "why." To trust Him means to whole-heartedly have faith in a NEW way..a less worried way. Gosh, things are great. I've just been so encouraged lately and I'm so happy with how everything is falling into place. Now I just need my boyfriend here and life will be even better.

For all you reading, I love you. God loves you. I'm praying for you and no matter what you're going through right this second, God is BIGGER. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Love life and life will love you back.

Crazy Love.

I couldn't sleep last night so I was kinda rummaging through my room going through things when I found a Target bag from a few weeks ago with the book, Crazy Love by Francis Chan inside. I had always seen this book at Christian bookstores but never really read the back but when it was on sale a few weeks ago I decided to pick it up not even knowing what it was about. So I figured reading always makes me sleepy and little did I know, I was about to open up and read life-changing words. I got through about 70 pages before I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore but I already can't wait to finish it...and then read it again. The jist of the book is living DIFFERENTLY for Christ. Not just knowing who God is but really having a desire to fear Him and live for Him. To realize that life is 100% more abundant when lived for God, and that we are NOTHING without Him. In the beginning of this book, Francis has you stop and go look up a video on just how BIG God is. (I will post it at the end of this post) It will change your whole outlook and will stop you in your tracks and let you marvel in his totally awesome and creative mind and make you realize just how SMALL you really are. Incredible.

Even though I haven't been struggling with one specific sin lately in my life I have been praying for conviction on even the smallest things in my life: patience with my parents, letting a curse word slip out when I am frustrated, letting myself get overwhelmed for no reason..and not to say that these things don't matter but what I want is to live a clean life. To live right because I want to and not just because it's what I should do. I think we, as Christians, get complacent. We forget the true meaning behind why we try and do the right thing. We go to church because our parents go, because we were raised to believe that Sundays are for church and not because we are hungry for more Jesus..we pray before bed because it's routine or we want something, not because we want a real conversation with God. We do the right things in front of our peers and in public because it makes us look better and seem like good people, not because we know we owe God our lives and to be examples and witnesses. We HAVE to change. We have to WANT Jesus. We have to know that a life lived for God will be, not can be, but WILL be better than anything this world has to offer. We have to whole-heartedly trust that even though it's not always the most popular thing, taking a stand for Jesus WILL change lives and that God promises good for those to seek Him. We will never be able to fully understand God and what He is up to in our lives, but we must not stop searching. Ever.

I have friends lately that have turned to worldly things for comfort and peace and simply to "numb" the life they know..when really they don't even have it bad at all. It breaks my heart for people who have experienced God's goodness and still choose to live that way. NOT saying I am perfect at all or never choose this world, but that is what this book is teaching me, to WANT to change and to trust that God will be sufficient if we do the right thing. If everyone could see just a glipse of God's grace and peace and faithfulness I just know that this world and it's problems would be different. People often ask why God "lets" bad things happen when in reality the only explanation He "owes" us (and really He doesn't owe us anything..) is that He is God, and that is enough if we trust and know that He has a plan. We often think that if we were given the chance to play God, that we, dirty sinning humans, wouldn't dare let bad things happen because it's just not fair. Shame on us. We think we could do better when we sin every single day and yet the BLEMISH-FREE, ALL-KNOWING, and PERFECT God we claim to trust IS doing just that: what is best and we have to know that it is for our good. We wouldn't be true Christians if we didn't believe that. God promises good to those who believe and life is so short so we have to share that with the hopeless. It's what we are called to do.

I often wonder why when people are buddhist or atheist or taoist or wiccan or "coexist" they get a "thumbs-up" for being different and exploring options but yet if someone finds out you're a Christian it's either looked down upon or that you're just like everyone else. THIS IS A PROBLEM. Chrisians are more known for what they don't do: don't drink, don't have sex before marriage, don't go out with their friends, don't have fun, don't like anyone different than themselves, etc., than for what we are doing. We should be known for helping others first, loving unconditionally, NOT JUDGING, doing whatever it takes to show God's love, still being in the places where there are no other Christians to be a witness, and simply sharing the truth but not shoving our beliefs down people's throats. IT IS SO IMPORTANT to change people's views on Christianity..the fate of our religion depends on it. Our generation is so good at being bold and making thing happen and if we could only do this with Christianity, too, I know there would be a revolution.

Something that REALLY bothers me is that Christians are first and foremost known for judging anyone who is different, down to little things. Having tattoos and facial piercings and a gay friend who I hang out with regularly, I personally have felt judged around "church people" and in certain churches and I feel that this is SO wrong because no one got the chance to get my beliefs and that I believe in God. It was overlooked my my outward appearance and that is something that makes me SO sad. I know my parents don't neccessarily like my tattoos and such but as TRUE CHRISTIANS we are called to look at everyone's heart and not be so worried about the outside. One of my favorite bible verses EVER is one that my brother, Brennan, wrote in crayon on a piece of paper in like kindergarten and it reads, "Man looks at the outward, but the LORD looks at the heart." - 1 Samuel 16:7 IT IS SO TRUE..and if we are trying to be LIKE the LORD..which is the whole point of claiming to be a Christian (Being more like Jesus..) then why are we still looking at outward appearance?! It's insane to me. Matthew 7:1 says, "Do not judge, or you too, will be judged." We can't only follow the parts of scripture that we like, we have to follow it all. So I challenge you today to look past pink hair and black clothes and tattoos and people who don't have money and elderly and ANYONE different from you. You don't know their heart or intentions or where they are in life and your kindness might change them. They will notice and difference in you and you can tell them that it's because you have JESUS. What an amazing way to change the world.

I'm begging you today, right now, as youre reading this, to stop and pray for change in your heart. For a desire to LIVE for Christ and the ability to look past people's flaws for everyone, including myself, has them. It will do you so much good. We owe it to our amazing savior. I'm praying for YOU and know that no matter where you are, you have God.

Now watch this video and be in awe of our inspiring and powerful God who is BIGGER than your biggest problem, fear, obstacle, pain, trial, and hurt and knows everything about you. You are not too far gone. I love you. Now be amazed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpChZxPfa-c

Happiness.

It's unreal to me some people's immaturity. How someone can do SO much wrong you to and still play the victim and expect you to feel sorry for you. How you can absolutely positively know someone owes you respect and yet they still refuse to give you that. I guess it's just a good life lesson on how fast things can change..and how some people just never will. And I guess all you can do is pray that they learn so that they quit hurting everyone around them..and realize that it's not realistic to live selfishly.

Whew. I just had to get that out. :) Anyway, I've been neglecting this again..I've honestly been so busy with LIFE. I know that's so cliche but it's so true. I've spent countless hours the last week or so catching up with my best friends, cleaning, purging, and unpacking my stuff from GA, and setting up Studio 34..which is almost done! Tomorrow morning we put the finishing touches on it and we'll be ready to rock n roll...about dang time. It's been so good to really get settled in at home. Sleeping in my own bed..not waking up at 5:30 every morning..homecooked meals..and having my friends I've known since birth a phone call away. Although I am away from Austin for about a month or so more..it's been good to be HOME. Speaking of Austin, he's coming to visit in 8 days for the weekend and I can hardly contain my excitement. He's coming to see how things go for when he MOVES here in April!! Yep, he's coming, and I couldn't be happier. Like I said, when you KNOW, you just KNOW. I've never felt so free and content in my life and I have no one to thank but my amazing Savior. Things are still just falling into place and it's amazing to know that I have an amazing future ahead of me. I never would have thought I would be where I am right now, even down to sitting in this chair with my mom and Chloie watching gameshows. Faith is really an amazing thing and I'm so glad I've learned to just sit back and TRUST. Church was so good this past week. Pastor Terry talked about how we 'know the bible is real," and why I don't doubt that it is in any way, it was good to see those examples and scripture. I can't tell you how thrilled I am to be able to sit in church with my family again every Sunday. It's definitely something I need and again, God's timing is just shining through.

We've gotten several letters from Brennan at Marine Corps boot camp in San Diego and he's doing so well. I could not be prouder. He got all 4 wisdom teeth taken out with no anesthesia except 12 novacane (sp?) shots but I guess recovered well and fast. They had their first big drill competition this past Sunday and if their platoon scored 70 or above (whatever that means) they'll get a phone call home. So our fingers are crossed!! We're missing him so much and with all this controversy going on with him being allowed to wear his dress blue military uniform to high school graduation or not (see local news station websites and newspapers..) things have just been crazy and it's been hard not to think about him constantly and miss him. So keep him in your prayers!! 4 weeks down..9 to go!! Almost 1/3 of the way done!! Ooh rah!!

Overall, things are great. I'm gonna have to go to GA to take my state boards I just found out, but other than that, it's going smoothly. Can't wait to be working full time. I LOVE my shop and Morgan couldn't be more amazing to work with. Life's good. God's good. Praying for YOU reading this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhdN3rndQwo