This too shall pass.

"You can never find the right person if you can never let go of the wrong. Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after...just that you're happy right now."

Literally just when the distractions of life are fading and when I feel like I have something really great and that not even Satan can stand in my way..He does. My faith and patience have been tested SO much in the past 2 months and I just don't understand. Sometimes I find it very hard not to blame God when things don't go my way or when I am left without answers, but then I really think about it and even when my heart is aching the most and I literally feel like I can't go on..the peace of God that surpasses all understanding proves ever-faithful and unconditional once again. My life drastically changed tonight. Someone who I thought would be there for good is no longer apart of my journey. But it's okay. Because I have a Savior who has a plan. And everything that happens, whether I like it or not, is apart of that plan and it is getting me to where I need to be. Change is such a crazy concept to me..how fast life can change. Literally in 2 minutes everything you thought to be true and real..proves false and fake. It is unreal. But it the most amazing time to draw near to Christ and let Him prove to you that the emotions and experiences of life FADE. Everytime. "When you have nothing left but God, you realize that God is enough." I love that quote..it's very sad that it takes raw and real hurt and discouragement to get to a place where we have to realize that God is ALWAYS enough but at the same time it's an amazing feeling to be broken enough to where all you want is God's love and peace.

Tonight I experienced a hurt I have never known before. A realization that even when you give all of your heart to someone, it is never a guarantee that they will love you back. And even when you feel like you're where you need to be, sometimes it's just simply not meant to be. That even when you feel like you gave your all and treated someone right, it's sometimes not what they need. I thought I had lived through heartbreak before in life being almost 21 and having been through high school and all those challenging years but life really is so much more serious when you get older and when things don't work how you planned..it hurts like hell because you counted on something real. But I do know that my God is bigger than any heartache and any pain. Bigger than any relationship and bigger than any argument. Bigger than your worst and deepest hurt and bigger than our doubt. And that is why I'm alright. I have a faithful God that loves me way too much to see me hurt. That is merciful enough to grant me the desires of my heart. That knows exactly what we need it and why and when even when we can't see it. The verses that keeps going through my heart and mind are:

- "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint of grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not grow weary; they shall walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40:28-33

- "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." -Isaiah 26:3

- "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perserverance. And let perserverance have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." - James 1:2-4

I guess it just all comes down to God's plan. And if you've been following this blog at all you know that the areas I have been dealing with most are : faith, prayer, and peace. This is another trial..but also another victory. Something I can look back upon with great feelings..knowing that I didn't have the slightest notion of what God was up to..but that it got me where I needed to be and that I am never out of His sight and care. Tomorrow is a new day and it can't rain forever. I guess this just further proves that the only men I need in my life are my daddy and my brother. :) I am so thankful for peace and assurance that GOD HAS A PLAN! What an amazing thing. I'm really gonna be just fine..tomorrow is another day to be thankful for life and salvation and my family and friends.

* Also, today was extra hard because Brennan officially left for USMC boot camp in San Diego for 13 weeks (surprising him this weekend by coming home ROCKED, but that's a post for another day..) and prayers would be MUCH appreciated. It was just overall a rough day in the Ranard household but so glad we have Jesus getting us through it all.

This too shall pass.

My AMAZING brother and wonderful daddy. My favorite boys ever.

SO PROUD of you Brennan!! Semper Fi!