It Is Well.

"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." - Proverbs 16:9

"But whoever listens to me will dwell safely, and will be secure, without fear of evil." - Proverbs 1:33

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall make your path straight." - Proverbs 3:5

"For this is God, or God forever and ever; He will be our guide even to death." - Psalm 48:14

"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass....Rest in the Lord, wait patiently for Him." - Psalm 37:4,7

Verses like these have been flooding my mind for the past few days. I had an amazing weekend with Katie and Chris and Becks and Austin and other wonderful friends and it made me truly realize that my time here in Georgia is coming to an end. I'll be leaving this wonderful and WARM state in 4 days and it's still been surreal until this weekend and today. I got up this morning and drove to Atlanta for a Fusion Extension class taught by an instructor from my school and we talked about how this service would work into my salon plans. And then tomorrow: Tuesday, March 1, 2001 at 3:30pm I will officially be a cosmetology school graduate from Paul Mitchell the School - Atlanta. Funny to look back the the first blog entry I wrote in July and was still living in Indiana and excited to start my life here in GA..and now it's time for me to go back to Indiana..something I never thought I would want to do but know that it is where I'm supposed to be.

My parents have been working closely with Morgan Servies who I will be renting my shop from and working with and they have gotten SO much work done on my room. I literally have THE BEST parents in the world and I am so thankful for their continued support and unconditional love. I have pictures of my salon so far I'll put up at the end of this blog and I am so excited to be going back stress-free to my room almost completely finished. What a huge blessing! It's all coming together so well and all I have left after tomorrow is state boards. I never thought this day would come!!! For all of you that know how much of a procrastonater I am..you know that this is HUGE for me!

Another thing that God has just put on my heart lately is how perfect and wonderful His timing is. I know I've talked about that recently, but it's proving more and more true everyday. I just love the moments in life when you can identify a time or place in the future where things were so unclear and now see exactly why it happened. I live for the moments that I can't explain other than "they were/are a God thing." I feel so sad for the people who don't get to experience God's love and grace on a day to day basis and it's really been motivating me to be more outspoken and bold about my faith. I spent the night with a dear friend from school last week and we were laying in bed talking about life and the subject of God and Christianity got brought up and it really felt good to be able to answer some of her questions and be able to share what an impact Christ has had on my life and how a life lived for God is so much for beneficial than one lived for self. I haven't even experienced TRUE tragedy in my lifetime yet and I still don't know how I would've made it throught certain trials and experiences without Christ. And even when we do rely on God for comfort, strength, peace, etc. it's still very hard sometimes to feel those things, especially right away, so I really can't imagine a life of depending on other humans and being uncertain of your future. It kills me when people say that they "just don't worry about the future or what happens when you die," or that, "everyone goes to Heaven if you're a good person because I don't believe in hell." And I get it, I do, what person who hasn't been raised in a Christian home would want to, at 20+ years old, open a book that says Jesus walked on water, and that blind men were instantly healed, and that the whole earth flooded and that Jonah survived in the belly of a whale and truly be able to be like "yes, even though that's not happening to today's world now, sure I believe it" without hesitation. It sometimes just seems like it wouldn't add up. Had I not had child-like faith being raised in church I'm sure it would all seem far-fetched to me too, but I just wish that everyone could get and feel just a GLIMPSE of what a life lived with Jesus in your heart is like. The abundance and peace that comes with it. I guess it's just something I have to show through my life, and it's so good to be so motivated at such a transition in my life; being able to move back home and start fresh not only in my earthy life, but in my spiritual life and witness as well. Such a good feeling.

I am so excited for the new and crazy-fast changes in my life lately. I know that I am never out of the care of God and that He has an amazing plan for my life. It's so exciting to think of all the possibilities of my future and that it's all happening so soon. "Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul!"

Reflections.

Well, I'm down to my last week here in Georgia. I clearly remember sitting in Katie's bed blogging about how I "only" had 4 weeks of school left and couldn't believe it was ending so soon....imagine how I feel now. Literally 3 school days left and I'm done with my education aside from classes in my future to keep current. I don't think it's REALLY hit me yet, but I'm starting to realize that the people I've seen everyday for 7 months won't be by my side..the teachers who have made me fall in love with hair won't be there to answer my questions, and I won't have 75 degree weather in February EVER back in Indiana. I won't be able to come home to sweet little Beckham, see Katie or Austin whenever I want, and just be completely independent...but I've never been so ready to go home. Ready to see my family all the time..spend late nights with momma and laugh with daddy, have countless girls nights, spend time with Lukie and start my career. Not too stoked about the weather but it's exciting nonetheless. I seriously never thought I would want to move BACK to Crawfordsville. Gosh, it all just blows my mind to think about. Even crazier to think of all the people I want to see that I haven't been able to see when I was home on vacation for almost 8 months. I guess I'm just ready to go back to my roots.

I look back at all the directions my life could've gone. Where would I be had I joined a sorority and stayed a Criminology major at ISU? Had I stayed in Avon and tried to finish cosmo at Regency? It's unbelieveable to look back and realize everything, good and bad, that has happened in the 3 years since I've been out of high school has gotten me here. Gotten me to Georgia and now heading back home. How if anyone would've asked me a year ago where I would be in February 2011, the last thing I would've said is finishing my education at Paul Mitchell the school Atlanta. What a journey it's been and it's amazing to look back and thank God for each step of the way.

I think the thing I am most thankful for recently is how much I have grown in my walk with Christ. How I have learned to effortlessly allow the peace of God to come into my life. How I know who I am and how I want to be. How I crave church and scripture and how thankful I am for everything in my life. How I am able to look back on the trials of my life, expecially the ones I've had here in Georgia and almost chuckle at why they stressed me out so badly. How I've learned to have confidence in my Savior's plan and will for my life. How I've not let little things get me down like they used to. How I need to be soo grateful every single day for Jesus's sacrifice for us. How just when I think I know what and who's right for my life, God changes that, and I'm okay with it. And how MUCH He loves me despite my sinful-natured heart.

I couldn't have asked for a more amazing 7 months here. I wouldn't have changed a thing. Not in the first week and not in this past week. It's all got me where I need to be. I really should start packing though..procrastionation really should be my middle name. Tuesday graduation and then daddy, momma, and Makinze are coming next Friday to pick me up and I absolutely can't wait. I would give ANYTHING for Brennan to be able to be here but I know things are getting better and better for him day by day. I pass a Marines billboard everyday on my way to school and it's such a sweet reminder of how thankful I am for his willingness to serve. It takes a really special person to complete the training he's doing and fight for our freedoms and you better believe there's no prouder big sister out there. So say a little prayer for him as he's mentally and physically WORN OUT by now. I just LOVE him so much and can't wait until May 15 to give him the biggest hug of his life. I miss him so badly it hurts. Semper Fi! "Blessed be the LORD, my rock, who trains my hands for war and my fingers for battle." - Psalm 144:1

Off to finish American Idol and pack my lunch for school tomorrow..one of my last days!! Yikes! So many exciting things going on in my future..moving home, spring break cruise, Lil Wayne concert, my business..the list goes on and on. Thank you JESUS for all the blessings you've given me and my family. "For we live by faith, not by sight." - 2 Corinthians 5:7

"Look back and thank God. Look forward and trust God. Look around and serve God. Look within and find God. He closes doors no man can open and opens doors no man can close."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=memsP8-k5Ew

Update.

I am beginning to wonder why I've ever even once in my lifetime doubted God's timing and plan. Ever wondered why things happened they way they did and ever worried that things wouldn't fall into place. When in reality, I should've known all along that I do not know what's best for myself although I'd like to think I do sometimes. It's funny to me when even in a week's time I can look back and already realize why things happened the way they did. Be so assured that everything is going to be fine, and be so at peace with major changes. This weekend has opened my eyes to this and I couldn't be more thankful. God brings just the right people in and out and back in and back out of your life all for a reason. The "worst" choice I made recently turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I will never stop being in awe of my God and what He is up to and that's what I like about this whole Christian thing..it never lets me down..

Things are going great..starting tomorrow morning will be my last full week of school at Paul Mitchell Atlanta and it is so bittersweet! My parents and my wonderful friend Makinze are coming in like 12 days to help me finish packin up and move back home and then beginning of April I'll be cruising the caribbean. My shop will open as soon as I take state boards, and I'll get to share it all with my best friends and family. Although Brennan won't be home til May, I feel like he's still here with us and we'll definitely be keeping him updated through letters. We got his address today and I am so excited to be able to keep him mentally and spiritually encouraged - I know he needs it right now. I've been car shopping online too; bouncing ideas around with my dad and that's something to be looking forward to as well. I've been looking at a Dodge Nitro and a Jeep Patriot..I always knew I was more of an SUV girl. Things really are just starting to get really good and to God alone be the glory. My somewhat recent commitment to go to Christ in prayer whenever I am faced with anything, negative OR positive, is already changing my life so much. I am realizing lately how even the little things can make my day so much better..taking 2 minutes to just sit in the sunshine outside and just lay around with Katie and Beckham and really enjoy my last days here in Georgia. Thinking back on the amazing summer I had with my family, and although taking that time off of school maybe wasn't the BEST idea in the world, I have memories I'll never ever forget that outweigh any education I could've gotten at that point in my life. Taking the time to really be thankful and savor every moment with the people at school that I'll no longer see everyday here in about 2 weeks. Just be thankful for day to day life and not wish any of it away.

Another encouraging devotion just came via text from momma. Be inspired:

"Learn to live from your true center in Me. I reside in the deepest depths of your being, in eternal union with your spirit. It is at this deep level that My Peace reigns continually. You will not find lasting peace in the world around you, in circumstances, OR IN HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS. The external world is always in flux - under the curse of death and decay. But there is a gold mine of Peace deep within you, waiting to be tapped. Take time to dive into the riches of My Residing Presence. I want you to live increasingly from your real center, where My love has an eternal grip on you. I am Christ in you, the hope of Glory."
- "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." - Colossians 3:15

Lots of exciting things going on right now. Mostly just excited about how God is using my life. I really feel like getting back home and getting plugged back into church is going to wonderful. I always used to hear that something like 80% of people who were raised going to church every Sunday while they lived with their parents would stop going after they moved out and I never thought I would be one of those people until I've looked back recently at how busy life has gotten and how uncomfortable it can be to go church shopping or get up on your one day to sleep in. Shame on me. I know that you don't really HAVE to be in church to still be in tune with Christ but I know that it is spiritual food and something that I have been lacking and I can really tell. I can't wait for weekly encouragment and guidance once again as I move home and make it a habit in my life again. It's something that is so important to me and I can't believe I've gone this long without a church family.

I encourage anyone who is reading this..if anyone at all..to stop right now and pray. Pray for your week, pray for those you know need salvation. Pray for struggles and things you're insanely happy about. Pray for your families and friends and work and financial trouble. Pray for worries and even your enemies. It will do wonders for your day. I'll be praying for each of you too, for this week and for your roles in my life, no matter what they are. You are loved so so much by a God who is bigger than your biggest problem or fear. Rest easy because the Shephard never sleeps..

Thankful.

"When I am dealing with an all-powerful, all-knowing God, I, as mere mortal, must offer not only with persistence, but also with patience. Someday I'll know why."

-Ruth Bell Graham

It's hilarious to me how serious I take the trials of this world. How I look back to the problems and pain I had even just months ago and shake my head at how silly it all seems now. There have been times recently when I was so shocked and hurt that I could barely breathe..barely stay attentive enough for a conversatoin..barely sleep enough to get through the next day. BUT we are called to give thanks and praise in afflictions and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. My momma always taught me to give my day to God every morning so that it will completely change my entire day..and it always does..so I have been keeping that mindset lately and anytime I have been down or sad or hurting even the slightest bit I say a quick prayer for restoration and peace and it's unreal how fast I feel those things. I worry too much. I get that from my mom too and it's something that I really need to work on because worrying really is a sin.

"To trust Him means, of course, trying to do all that He says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way." - C.S. Lewis

I've always been one to give advice to my friends and family..been easy to talk to I feel like and I'm always the first to point to Christ. "Lean on Him for understanding," and "God will get you through, He always does." But who am I to give that when I am not going to that same advice first? It just comes down to being able to fully rely on the fact that God has me right where He wants me and that my timing is not always His timing. I really am doing so much better than I thought I would be though. Everyone knows how emotional and sensitive I can be (not always a GREAT things but I like to look at is as a quirk, ha) and so for me to be handling all the stress and confusion life has thrown at me lately like I am is crazy. It's always those first few days; intial shock and then you start to heal but being a who I am AND a girl it takes me much longer..and for some reason God has just had my heart in His hands this week and I am so super thankful. I know, I know..I need to start practicing what I'm preaching and just stop talking about it all but it's just what the majority of my prayers and thoughts have been about this week and so when I get it out I really GET IT OUT and I can let go. Which is exactly what I'm doing. I will never be able to fathom the perfectness of Christ but I am so glad I have seen huge glimpses these past few weeks.

On a lighter note, graduation is rapidly approaching! I have tomorrow and then 5 days next week and I am officially done with cosmetology school! I will have state boards to take when I get back to Indiana after 4-6 weeks being done with my 1500 hours and work and I could not be more happy. Like I said a few days ago, although I'm going to miss the people and school SO much, there were several days in the past 2 years when I never ever thought it would come to an end but I am finally here and it feels so good. So good to have accomplished something and so good to have a PLAN. I can't wait to start working and making people feel beautiful. Have my own place and hours and Morgan to work with and be in my hometown and be able to see my friends and family whenever I want and just start my new life all over again. So for now I'm just gettin those hours at school and starting to pack up my stuff! For every door that closes, another opens..even if it is back in Crawfordsville, Indiana.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness, and streams in the wasteland." - Isaiah 43:18-19

Oh and just a little funny something that's helped get me through this week:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLUvO8QUmXc

For The Girls.

This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times.

This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and the guys that they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slighest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive the hope that maybe, maybe this time he'll have understood. This is a homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention.

This is for the girls who have been in the trenches and who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and screw up the guys in their lives without saying a word.

This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the rite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to, "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, and who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love but know that it's an experience they don't want to miss out on.

This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomitting guy friend or a comatose crush; who have recieved a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed.

This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl he sees in a skirt.

This is for the girls who have been told they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom but won't because it's easier to sleep with someone than foster a realtionship. This is for the girls who have been led on by words or kisses or touches, all of which were either only true for the moment..or never even real to begin with.

This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone.

This is for the girls who have had their heart broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to just be a random hookup.

This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a realationship; it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if only you conforted him right, said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the nights you've realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the, "I really like you so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends in life, you seldom choose ones that make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've recieved from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and a teddy bear.

This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd ever truly wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think they deserve more because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

See, this is what I don't understand: men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, they guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives..that girls play mindgames..that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet men I ask you this: were you to meet one of these genuinely interesed, thrilling, compelling, intelligent and beautiful and sweet and caring girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call...and if you were to recieve a phone call from her the next day, and in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straight-forward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intruiging and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material for which she could see you being her boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them about the "stalker chick" you met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told you the truth? And would you or would you not then refuse to make plans with her, see her again because you've built up your ego to your friends..but then once again return to the bar or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not really looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinelly interested in your intramural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; youre looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover, sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the lowcut shirt or the too-tight miniskirt won't answer your woes, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in suggestive clothing - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning I'll be back in a teeshirt and flannel pants..I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the easy girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl, so don't say you're looking for a relationship because relationships take time and energy and intent: 3 things you're willing to extend but in return we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, 3 things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after easy-targets..the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with a towel and a water bottle and a hug, hoping againt all odds that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting.. however, until that happens, we still have eachother, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat. (Because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate, anyway?)

Revealed.

My mom called to check up on me and remind me just how faithful God is. She's been doing a devotional but was a few days behind but decided to go ahead and catch up anyways and how much these next few exerpts apply to Brennan leaving and all this crap with my relationship is unreal. It's mindblowing how much God has reavealed himself to me since Monday and I feel like God meets you right where you are:

"Come to me for rest and refreshment. The journey has been too much for you are you are bone-weary. Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion. Instead, see it as opportunity for Me to take charge of your life. Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including THINGS YOU WISH WERE DIFFERENT. Start with where you are at this point in time and space, ACCEPTING that this is where I intend you to be. You will get through today one step, one moment at a time. Your main responsibility is to remain attentive to Me, letting Me guide you through the many choices along your pathway. This sounds like an easy assignment, but it is not. Your desire to live in my presence goes against the grain of "the world, the flesh, and the devil." Much of your weariness results from your CONSTANT BATTLE against these opponents. However, you are on the path of My choosing, so do not give up! Hope in Me, for you will again praise Me for the help of My presence."
- "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28
- "Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." - Psalm 42:11


"I am above all things: your problems, your pain, and the swirling events of this ever-changing world. When you behold My Face, you rise above circumstances and rest with me in heavenly realms. This is the way of Peace, living in the light of My Presence. I guarantee that you will always have problems in this life, but they must not become your focus. When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say, "Help me, Jesus!" and I will draw you back to Me. If you have to say that thousands of times daily, do not be discouraged. I know your weakness and I meet you in that very place."
- "And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms of Christ Jesus.." - Ephesians 2:6
- "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," He said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind he became afraid, and, beginning to sink cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed back in the boat, the wind died down." - Matthew 14:28-32


"Seek my face more and more. You are really just beginning your journey of intimacy with me. It is not as easy road, but it is a delightful and privileged way: a treasure hunt. I am the treasure and the glory of my presence glistens and shimmers along the way. Hardships are part of the journey too. I map them out ever so carefully, in just the right dosage, with a TENDERNESS YOU CAN HARDLY IMAGINE. Do not recoil from afflictions, since they are among My most favored gifts. Trust Me and do not be afraid, for I am your strength and song."
- "My heart says of you, "Seek His face!" and your face, Oh lord, I will seek." - Psalm 27:8
- "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." - 2 Corinthians 4:7
- "Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense. He has become my salvation." - Isaiah 12:2

..I've been clinging to these all day. Today has not been easy but for every dark night, there's a brighter day after that. So I'm handling it all the best way I know how and somehow, that's good enough, because Christ will always suffice.

Shoebox.

Living in Georgia hasn't brought me too many GREAT things. Aside from finishing school and spending time with Katie and her wonderful family, I've really learned a lot about how I have taken the most special things in my life for granted. My family and my friends. Something that has hit me like a frickin' ton of bricks this week is how quickly people come in and out of your life. There are people that are no longer apart of me that I never ever thought would be gone, and people I never saw coming. Both have purposes far beyond why I can imagine but I guess I say that to say: it KILLS me that some of the people I've grown to love and see every single day are about to be out of my life maybe even forever. The people I have gone to school with at Paul Mitchell in Atlanta (with the exception of a few people I had issues with..see previous blogs..) have been some of the most real and genuinely cool people I've ever known. My learning leaders Matt and Destiny who taught me how to love hair again and not take myself so serious..to Lauren and Aeriel and Elizabeth and Shade..Laura and Monique and Melanie and Calisto..just to name a few. Each person I've gotten close with has shown me a new side of personalities and traits I never knew only living in small town Crawfordsville, IN..and I also realized that some of these people truly are invested in me and seeing me succeed and be happy, just as I am in them. I've talked to these people, cried with them, laughed harder and been crazier and been through a lot and it's so crazy to me that I go back to Indiana soon and they'll all be a memory until the next time in Georgia and even then I won't have time to see them all. Everyone comes from such diverse and different backgrounds and places but I am so thankful for each of their roles in my life. They've literally gotten me through some of the most difficult moments of my life..even when I was being a bit dramatic. And it also just kills me because even the girls that I went to hair school with in Indiana live only like maybe an hour from my in Cville and I still never see them..life is crazy and busy and moves on even when you don't want it to and it scares me that I may forget about some of these people and memories. I just want to lock them up and put them in a shoebox and slide it under my bed for when I'm feeling sad or missing my life here.

And for all the people back home who I have managed to not make time for lately or have seemed to have "forgotten," you're in my shoebox of memories I always have had, don't you worry. My best friends who have been there since birth..preschool..elementary..high school..ISU..all of you. I love you and can't wait to get back and pick up right where we left off. I don't know if it's the realization that I'm about to start all over AGAIN back home..or just simply the things that have happened this past weekend/week that have just made me realize how precious time is with the people that really mean the most to you..you never know when that time's up..and even when you do know..you're never quite ready to let go.

God continues to bless me with peace which is something I am just in awe of. As I said yesterday I just expected to have a cruddy and lonely week and Christ has given me just the right people to keep me distracted and motivated. I am a Child of God and it would be false of me to claim that and not fully believe in His plan. 8 school days and 2 and a half weeks til I'm home for good. The countdown is slowly dwindling and it's so bittersweet. Thank you Jesus for sunshine, best friends and that I am never out of your sight..

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSp-3kvKQZs

You Never Let Go.

I woke up for school today expecting to be completely drained. Completely overwhelmed and completely ready to spend the whole day in bed. But it was actually the opposite. I felt ready to take on the school day; to go surround myself with friends and take my mind off of my crazy issues back home. I got ready and got in my car and put in a worship CD I burned not too long ago knowing that any day started with praise music is always a good day..and this morning I knew it would make me feel even better. A few songs went by and I was just thankful for my time with God. Thankful for family and friends who stick by my side and are always encouraging. And then a song came on that is one of my favorites and one we sang in church when I was home this past Sunday. "You Never Let Go." Those 4 words drastically gave me a peace that topped the already good feeling I had. I literally put the song on repeat and just soaked in the words:

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

your perfect love is casting out fear.

And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life,

I won't turn back I know you are near.

And I will fear no evil, for my God is with me, and if my God is with me,

whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, you never let go! Through the calm and through the storm.

Oh no, you never let go, in every high and every low,

Oh no, you never let go, Lord you never let go of me.

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on,

a glorious light beyond all compare,

and there will be an end to these troubles but until that day comes,

still I will praise you, still I will praise you."

It's still just mind-boggling to me that when I should've felt the most alone and frustrated and helpless, Christ fulfilled every hole in my heart. I had a surprisingly good day (with the help of mint chocolate chip icecream and the tannin bed..) but I just am in awe of God's soveriegnty. And can I just say that I have THE best friends in the entire world. I have been somewhat bummed about moving back home now but then I talk to Makinze or Aimee or Haley or Katie and I remember how much fun I have back home with my best girlfriends who are always there for me and who I don't know what I would do without. And seeing my family this weekend got me so excited too. I can't wait to just be able to focus on my new career and Christ and having a blast and realizing I'm still young and figuring myself out, and I'm perfectly okay with that.

Suprising my dad and brother this weekend was absoutely perfect. I was worried that somehow it would get out but I really tried to keep it off facebook and stuff and it worked! Sunday morning I texted my mom and told her to "save seats" for my brother's friends and then Aimee and some of my friends and I walked in behind Dad and Brennan and I asked them if the seats were taken. They both turned around and the looks on their faces was priceless..they both even teared up a little. (Don't tell them I told you that!) But it was just awesome to be at church with my family and be with Brennan before he left. That was such a hard day but again, nothing we can't get through.

I guess I'm just super thankful for my positive attitude and for God's grace and Him keeping me on track with school and friends and family. Been a weird few days but still trusting in His plan! 9 days of school left then home and planning a roadtrip with my best friends. My new chapter in life's about to be real real good.

This too shall pass.

"You can never find the right person if you can never let go of the wrong. Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after...just that you're happy right now."

Literally just when the distractions of life are fading and when I feel like I have something really great and that not even Satan can stand in my way..He does. My faith and patience have been tested SO much in the past 2 months and I just don't understand. Sometimes I find it very hard not to blame God when things don't go my way or when I am left without answers, but then I really think about it and even when my heart is aching the most and I literally feel like I can't go on..the peace of God that surpasses all understanding proves ever-faithful and unconditional once again. My life drastically changed tonight. Someone who I thought would be there for good is no longer apart of my journey. But it's okay. Because I have a Savior who has a plan. And everything that happens, whether I like it or not, is apart of that plan and it is getting me to where I need to be. Change is such a crazy concept to me..how fast life can change. Literally in 2 minutes everything you thought to be true and real..proves false and fake. It is unreal. But it the most amazing time to draw near to Christ and let Him prove to you that the emotions and experiences of life FADE. Everytime. "When you have nothing left but God, you realize that God is enough." I love that quote..it's very sad that it takes raw and real hurt and discouragement to get to a place where we have to realize that God is ALWAYS enough but at the same time it's an amazing feeling to be broken enough to where all you want is God's love and peace.

Tonight I experienced a hurt I have never known before. A realization that even when you give all of your heart to someone, it is never a guarantee that they will love you back. And even when you feel like you're where you need to be, sometimes it's just simply not meant to be. That even when you feel like you gave your all and treated someone right, it's sometimes not what they need. I thought I had lived through heartbreak before in life being almost 21 and having been through high school and all those challenging years but life really is so much more serious when you get older and when things don't work how you planned..it hurts like hell because you counted on something real. But I do know that my God is bigger than any heartache and any pain. Bigger than any relationship and bigger than any argument. Bigger than your worst and deepest hurt and bigger than our doubt. And that is why I'm alright. I have a faithful God that loves me way too much to see me hurt. That is merciful enough to grant me the desires of my heart. That knows exactly what we need it and why and when even when we can't see it. The verses that keeps going through my heart and mind are:

- "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint of grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not grow weary; they shall walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40:28-33

- "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." -Isaiah 26:3

- "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perserverance. And let perserverance have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." - James 1:2-4

I guess it just all comes down to God's plan. And if you've been following this blog at all you know that the areas I have been dealing with most are : faith, prayer, and peace. This is another trial..but also another victory. Something I can look back upon with great feelings..knowing that I didn't have the slightest notion of what God was up to..but that it got me where I needed to be and that I am never out of His sight and care. Tomorrow is a new day and it can't rain forever. I guess this just further proves that the only men I need in my life are my daddy and my brother. :) I am so thankful for peace and assurance that GOD HAS A PLAN! What an amazing thing. I'm really gonna be just fine..tomorrow is another day to be thankful for life and salvation and my family and friends.

* Also, today was extra hard because Brennan officially left for USMC boot camp in San Diego for 13 weeks (surprising him this weekend by coming home ROCKED, but that's a post for another day..) and prayers would be MUCH appreciated. It was just overall a rough day in the Ranard household but so glad we have Jesus getting us through it all.

This too shall pass.

My AMAZING brother and wonderful daddy. My favorite boys ever.

SO PROUD of you Brennan!! Semper Fi!

Controversy.

I thought about whether or not to blog tonight about something that's been bothering me today but then I remembered, hey, this is MY blog, so I can write about whatever I want. So here goes nothin. (Some of this credit goes to Katie Mahaffey for her wonderful biblical insight!) First, I want to know why it seems as though all hair stylists are liberals with super open minds and strong opinions on EVERYTHING. Or at least what it IS about hair stylists that makes them all seem to be this way. Maybe it's the creativity..the diversity..the dominant gay population? Whatever it is..it all just got to me at school today. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with being open minded, different, or having strong beliefs..that is not what I am saying. What I am saying though is that there is a right way to go about things. And there's ways to get your point across without being hateful. I'm saying all of that to say this: I don't agree with gay marriage. *gasp!* ...We had a long discussion at school today (Paul Mitchell the school Atlanta) because some of the instructors and students are openly boycotting Chickfila for their recent stand against gay marriage. Here's my take on that: why do liberal people think that they can voice their opinions and stand up for what they believe in but when anything that has to do with Christianity steps in, it's automatically not allowed or "close minded" as I was called today. Clearly Chickfila is a Christian company..they aren't open on Sundays, they play Christian music, help out schools and churches, etc. but yet when they take action for something that most biblical Christians would stand up for, it becomes controversial and offensive. Which leads me to my next point: homosexuals who say they are Christians. I pray to God that any gay person that I have ever talked to really IS saved and really does know the true meaning of what it means to have a personal relationship with God, but if you are truly a Christian, you are to flee from sin. (1 Timothy 6:11 says, "But you, O Man of God, flee from these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.") The bible clearly states that homosexuality is sin and that it is unnatural. (Romans 1:26-27 , Leviticus 20:13) So if you are stating that you are gay AND you are a Chrsitian..you are not living as a biblical Christian which is the whole basis for the religion. And the argument that you are "born gay" is also false, because humans were made in Christ's image, and Christ was against homosexuality. Genesis 19 tells the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, who were put to death for homosexual acts. I simply believe that you can't be a TRUE biblical Christian and claim the name of Jesus and also claim to be gay. It's contradictory.

NOW, do I judge people who are gay? No. That is not my place. The bible calls us to love like Jesus, who did love everyone but who is also a just God. Would I ever not associate with people that are gay? Absolutely not. One of my best friends, Drew, is very openly gay and I love him very much. Do I agree with his lifestyle? No, but he knows that I don't judge him or think that I am any better because sin is sin, big or small. A lot of people get caught up in the idea that homosexuality is bigger than God. That since it's a "lifestyle sin" and is more and more common, that God can't change the hearts of why people love who they love. But He can. God is BIG. Bigger than ANY sin and like I said, when the fall of mankind took place, God handed us over to sin nature but also promised to rescue us when we called for Him and were ready for change. You have to be willing and want to change your lifestyle and sin issues before it will ever really become right and pure in your heart. I know that this is a very "touchy" subject and that there are many opinions and views on what is right and everything but as a Christian, I go by the Holy Bible and God's word says more than once that being gay is not right and that it is unnatural and I'm sticking by my beliefs no matter how unpopular. We are not called to be the majority and Christ said that being a Christian would not be easy but I've always remembered that "if you don't' stand for something, you'll fall for anything" and I agree so much. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I honestly feel as though I am right in this as far as not being close-minded, but simply backing up truth with the basis for my religion and my Godly reasoning. I am never looking to offend anyone but as Christians, especially in today's world, we are called to be bold.

That's all I got. Just a lot bouncing around in my head after a few heated discussions at school today. I often find myself wanting to get frustrated when people don't understand where I am coming from, but to each his own. I guess what bothers me most is when people can have an opinion of their own but when someone says something to contradict what they believe, it's 'wrong' or 'judgemental." I just know what I believe to be right and true and what Jesus says and that's something I will always take a stand on and never apologize for.

Brennan David.

Like most of you know, I come from a family of 4. My dad, my mom, me, and my little brother. Just us, me and Brennan, all we've ever known. Well lately he's not so little...he towers over me by a good 4 inches, he's almost 18, and does all the things I do..has experienced life and love and heartache and growing up. It honestly breaks my heart and I can't even imagine what my parents are going through since he's the baby. I'm not sure why, I know getting older is just a simple part of life but it can't be happening this fast; not to MY baby brother. Anywho, I'm writing this to say: he leaves for Marine Corps boot camp in one week. Shipped to San Diego with a bible, $20, and the clothes on his back. Unable to look back, unable to back out. (Not that he would, but it's bigboy commitment time now!) I'm so proud I could pop, but at the same time who wants someone screaming at their sibling while they have ZERO contact with the outside world for 12 whole weeks? No one, especially not me. It's just really hard. So, here's all the things I've wanted to and should've said the past 17+ years...

Brennan, Lloyd, Bubba, Brodder -
I am so proud of you. The brother, son, friend, and man that you have become. Without being overly cliche, I remember the day you were born. I was so excited about my brother, and dad took me to The Nelson's to stay the night while they went to the hospital and I had to sleep with Benita because I couldn't sleep I was so anxious. I wanted to be a big sister more than anything and to this day that hasn't changed. I wouldn't change or trade anything about you or anything that you've been through. You have this ability to make me laugh about everything..mom being overly protective and sensitive, dad's hilarious humor..inside jokes..family dinners..you name it, it's funny to us. That is something I don't have with anyone else in the world and I am so thankful we do. We share the same sensitive and caring heart..you hurt when others hurt and that's something great you possess. And although you have a temper, God love you, we rarely find things to argue about. We never have really fought about anything and I would fight to the death for you..have your back on anything..and I know you would for me too. I love how opinionated you are, how you stand firm in your beliefs. How educated you are on the things you're most passionate about and how the more you get older, the more you're like daddy. You're so handsome and funny and I know that people always have a good time when they are around you. Most girls always want sisters or have brothers and still wish for sisters because girls can gossip and share clothes and all that..but not me. I'm so thankful that you're my BROTHER and that we're so close. I feel like I know so much about you and I hope you know that you can come to me anytime, day or night, with ANYTHING at all, I am here for you unconditionally. Like mom and dad have always told us, there is nothing you could do to make me love you any less. You are my whole world, Brennan, and even though you're 3 years younger than me, I look up to you more than you know. You're about to embark on a crazy and fulfilling journey and your family and friends could not be more excited and proud of you. YOU CAN DO THIS. Always remember to breathe and pray and remember, "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." God promises that if you have faith even the size of a mustard seed, you can move mountains. I pray for you very often, and you have been such a good example of a Godly young man. Always remember that Jesus is the way to go and He will always provide if you're living for Him. I know it is not always the most fun and the bible says that you will be tried as a Christian, but it is ALWAYS worth it and your rewards in heaven will be great. So promise me that you will do your best, that's all I ask. I am so excited that you'll be apart of something so great. You are my hero. It takes a very special person to sacrifice civilian life to serve and protect our freedoms. You will never know the impact you are making on people and how much people look up to you for this choice that you are making, and although I am so sad that you'll be so far away and I won't be able to text you something funny on a whim, I know you are doing something SO good and that you're having a blast and succeeding more than you ever dreamt. What you are capable of with that stubborn head of yours in unending and I know you will do so great and if no one else ever has faith in you, you can count on your big sister to be your biggest fan, no matter what. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Period. You are amazing, Brennan, and you rock. I have THE coolest brother in the world and I'm so happy for this journey you're about to start. You will do great and it will fly by! You will be so happy for what you have accomplished come May, and you know we will be at your graduation with tears and signs and I'm sure dad will want to "paint his face" just like he always says he'll do, but never does. You are in soo many peoples' prayers and thoughts and with God, you will get through this with flying colors. You are turning into someone so worthy of respect and honor and love. You have been through a lot but have continued to make great decisions and I wouldn't trade any of our memories and time spent together for all the money in the world. We have been through a lot together and I wouldn't have wanted to go through it with anyone else. I'll never forget the times you sneaking into my room well after midnight to sleep on my trundle and talk about life, late night runs to taco bell, hanging out with Korby, watching Daddy Daycare, all those times were so special to me and although we're getting older and moving on in life and everything, know I'll always be a phonecall and a movie away..always. I'm never too old or too busy for my baby brother. And yep, you'll always be a baby to me. Sorry. :) I love you more than you'll ever know. You have a HUGE part of my heart that NO ONE will ever be able to replace and I don't know what I would do without you. Good luck and have fun, always remember where you came from and don't compromise. Remember how much God loves you and how He will never leave you or forsake you. Semper Fi, little brother. I'm gonna miss you so much.

All the love my heart can hold,
Bailey

Grace.

Something that I've been trying to do lately is to be more like Jesus. Live like Him and especially love like Him. I think that when you're trying to focus on something specific is when Satan targets you the most. I've always tried to treat everyone equal and be a friend to anyone, but I had forgotten how hard it was to have grace on mean people. I haven't had to deal with "mean girls" since seriously like sophomore year of high school so I had forgotten what it feels like to be targeted and the center of someone else's "humor"...and how bad it just HURTS. I don't care how old or mature you are..it still gets to you. Going to cosmetology school where it's all girls, I should've known that it would be drama but I always tried to stay out of it. Until I somehow found myself in the center of a few girls' "main conversation." And anyone who knows anything about this situation knows it was out of nowhere and wasn't because of any certain event that happened..it was just girls being, well, girls. But either way, it hurt and made it very hard to love unconditionally and happily..and to simply be nice. The Lord says to "give thanks in all things" (1 Thessalonians 5:18) but I just found myself in a pit of hatefulness right when I had made a commitment to myself to love like Jesus. So like I said, of course, Satan attacked. But at the midst of my despair and hurting heart, God proved his sovereignty once again and pulled me out of that mindset. I don't know if I should continue to be in awe of God's faithfulness or if it's bad to be surprised because I know that God will never let me down. Either way, I was layin in bed when I got a text from my dear friend Haley Schilling from back in Indiana that simply said that she loved me and missed me and was praying for me and then included this verse, "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone." - Romans 12:14-18 - God is so good. Like seriously. SO GOOD. That couldn't have come at a better time.

It's just amazing how one conversation with a TRUE friend and some amazing scripture can completely change your mood and remotivate you. I have never wanted to love everyone despite how they may treat me more than now and I hope and pray that it is something that can continue. I guess I'm just really thankful for all the amazing people in my life and through this has just made me really realize how great and true friends are something to be cherished. So for anyone reading this who has stuck by my side and would never sell me out no matter what, THANK YOU.

I'm off to eat my chewy sprees (thanks Katie!) and get ready for school tomorrow. Quick post but I'm just overflowing with thankfulness for God's timing and for my bestest friends. Also, prayers for my family!! Brennan leaves for the Marine Corps boot camp for 3 months in 12 days!! Yikes. So proud of him! G'night.

Oh, and this song completely spoke to me in the car 2 mornings ago..I was in tears. So check it out. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7C2o0jHNRuU