Overflow.

I tried sleeping about an hour ago and of course I am restless. How can I be so exhausted yet unable to drift off?! I have a tendency to over analyze everything when I lay down at night and tonight is no exception. I think "over analyzing" often has a negative connotation to it but it doesn't always have to be that way. Tonight as I lay in bed my thoughts drifted to my absolute happy place: the direction my life is headed and who it will soon be forever shared with. There has been SO much going on in my life recently that I never thought would've been happening at the mere age of 21 but life is never as we plan...and for that I am so very thankful. This engagement period Austin and I are going through is so bittersweet. It's awful to say that, I guess, but it has been SO stressful. Do not get me wrong, I am so happy and grateful for my sweet fiance, but this whole wedding planning thing is overwhelming! I was once an uber perfectionist and I am finding myself not even really caring much about the details anymore. All of the big things are done and I'm so caught up with WEDDING stuff 24/7 that I'm just over it and ready to be married. I hate this though. It is a one time thing and something every girl dreams of BUT no one tells you when you're little that other princesses want your venues the same day you do, that you have to organize lots of boys to get their right tuxes on time, that you have to come up with centerpieces for 30+ tables, and that once your wedding dress is fitted you can't gain ONE ounce. I am just so ready to see Austin at the end of that aisle and know that everything will be okay. Let's just say I've been relying on my best friends and lots of wine for these past few months! :) But seriously, I am having the time of my life planning my future I just wish it was less stressful but maybe I just need to stop being a baby and really take the time to enjoy all these moments because like I said, this is a one time thing. I am so so lucky to have the family and friends that I do though that are helping me pull of this BEAUTIFUL event in 5 months though..it will truly be a night to remember and I am so excited to be a Mrs.!

Austin and I have decided to stay in Crawfordsville for now and save money before we move back to Georgia (thank you JESUS!!) since Austin has a job with benefits and insurance and I have my salon here. We also have a house to rent for an unbelievable price that is furnished and that we love so I am feeling very blessed. We even get to paint and decorate! I am so excited..for all that know me, this is right up my alley! We picked swatches this week and are starting to paint in the next few weeks and shop around for some things for it. I would love a new couch and chair for the living room and a new headboard for our bed..so we will see! We're also registering on friday and I am so anxious to get my hands on that price gun!! Ha. I am ate up. It just BLESSES my heart to know that people are willing to come together to watch Austin and I get married and I wouldn't trade the beautiful souls I know for anything. Its just so wonderful to watch how God allows things to play out. I am so happy and I don't know how my life could've ever ended up any better.

Hmm any other random things I should fill the blog-world in on..well, I've been working out with Austin and am actually loving it..I'm planning to get my 1 Samuel 16:7 half sleeve tattooed after the wedding, I have decided to update my wardrobe to more adult-ish and start investing in quality staple pieces and I started by organizing my closets and purging all the old..it feels so refreshing and somewhat homemaker-ish which we all know I need practice on cause I'm gonna be a WIFE soon..such a weird term!! I'm loving living at home for the last time in my life and seeing my family all the time..it's been so good to have Brennan home..I'm still unhealthily obsessed with Pinterest and have been trying to channel my inner-artist lately and I LOVE it..and other than that I can honestly say that my life consists of wedding stuff! Funny how that comes full circle and we're BACK to wedding. I'm telling you, I can't escape it. Ha.

Off to bed..been listening to Hillsong and Ellie Holcomb's new album Magnolia (based on the Psalms..soo good..go buy it on iTunes!!) and it has me in such a comforted state. I am so in love with a God who is in complete and total control of EVERYTHING and NOTHING is too big for Him..NOTHING. I have just recently begun to grasp that concept..that everyone on earth has problems yet Christ has time for us all. Talk about wonderful! Okay I could go on and on! I'm really going..okay..goodnight!

You Watch Over Me.

You watch over me in the darkest valleys.

You watch over me when the night seems long.

You help me to see, the way before me.

You watch over me, You watch over me.

"..and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you," And so we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?" -Hebrews 13:5-6

In a matter of a few days my life has drastically changed. Austin got a call about a job back in Georgia on Thursday and is hearing back from them tomorrow. He has been offered a position with the water dept. for the county he lives in and it is something he has been waiting on for a long time, even before he moved here to Indiana to be with me. If he is offered this job tomorrow we will be packing up (AGAIN) and heading down to GA! I know..I just started a salon here in Crawfordsville with the help of my precious family and dear friend Morgan Servies-Smith but I guess this just comes with the territory of getting married. I have to look at the bigger picture for what is best for us, our future, and our future family. We definitely knew we would end up going back to GA, as there are much better job oppportunities for Austin but we just had NO idea it would be this soon. We are even thinking about moving the wedding date up..like 6 months up. We're still trying to figure out why we even thought about waiting a year..its just too long. So with that being said, a LOT falls on tomorrow. I am delighted that Austin will be in a job he loves and has waited for but I am absolutely heartbroken that I will be once again leaving home..this time for good..and before Brennan even got home from California. I have been in constant prayer to have a peace about this if it is God's will but lets face it: someone loses. Someone has to leave their family and friends behind. We knew this going into our relationship and engagement but no one ever knew how HARD it really would be. I just have so many mixed feelings. First, selfishly: what about my job; my salon? Who will I hang out with? Will I have friends? Will I want to come home. But I don't want to leave my family. What if I get there and hate it? Will I feel stuck?...and then the selfless side kicks in: its best for our future. My family can come visit anytime. I will find a job..I will make friends. Austin will have a great job that allows him great pay and great hour, etc. I AM IN SUCH A HARD SPOT! Obviously I know we will go to GA if he gets this job but I am so desperate for a peace about it it is driving me crazy. I would follow Austin anywhere but I just wish it were easier. I am so close to my family and friends and I just can't imagine that in THREE WEEKS I could be living back in GA. There's just so much closure that would need to happen between now and then and thats what scares me I think. But I am just resting in Gods plan. This job didn't just come up randomly and I think if Austin gets it that will be our answer: time to go back. Yikes.

I really am so thankful that I am never out of Gods care and plan though. If you would've asked me one year ago today if I would be engaged, in this predicament, and at this point in my life I would have laughed in your face. But, day by day, I am falling more and more in love with life..God..and my fiance. We might not have picture perfect circumstances..but nothing I've ever done has ever been normal anyways, I'm not sure what I was expecting. :) So here's to yet another adventure brought to my life. I know I will never be given more than I can handle and there really is such peace in that..even if it means packing up my life into boxes in a matter of 2 weeks, putting together a wedding faster than I ever thought, and figuring out life as we go..at least I'm doing it all with my soulmate. Thank you, God, for Austin and for opportunities..no matter how random they may be! I don't always know what's best for me, contrary to what I may think, and somehow, someway, that is a little comforting..for I am only a man. I have a God who knew me in my mothers womb..how can I worry about a move?! It is what it is. Deep breaths, Bailey, it will all work out..it always does...

Changes.

APRIL. April..I have not blogged since April. When did my life get so hectic that I lost my motivation and drive to write. Writing is an outlet for me and I have to make this a priority again. I'm so much happier when I can sort out my daily thoughts and get my feelings out there..so better late than never, right?! I was looking back on my last entry and the thing that stuck out to me most is that I had a boyfriend then. I don't have a boyfriend now..I have a FIANCE!! Yes I'm sure everyone already knows but seriously I'M GETTING MARRIED! In a nutshell, my amazing and wonderful Austin got all moved up here and lives in the little cottage house behind my Grandpa Jim's house and is working at Temple Inland which he's not too sure of but is making great money for our life together soon! He proposed May 23 at Fogo De Chao and I have never been happier in my life. My family and friends LOVE him and he just fits right in. It's been SUCH a blast planning a wedding..my engagement ring is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen..I have my dream dress..and the details are slowly coming together..we have a HUGE wedding party with 10 bridesmaids and 10 groomsmen. How fun right!? We have switched colors and ideas already so much so I'm not exactly sure on details yet but I do know that we are getting married June 16, 2012..and believe me I am already counting down! We don't have a ceremony venue yet but have booked the Crawfordsville Country Club for the reception. All I know is that its going to be amazing and perfect and its all because of the Godly, wonderful, caring, sweet, kind, selfless, hardworking, smart and SOUTHERN man that I've fallen soo in love with. He's truly made all my dreams come true. I am the luckiest woman alive. I also know that as soon as we get married we are moving back to GA. It's not my first decision but I have to support my future HUSBAND with what is best for us and our future and with his jobs and opportunities it seems best to move..and I know that I can always do hair anywhere. I have been praying about it and I have a peace about it..God really is so faithful. I guess I'm just so happy it doesn't matter..I would follow Austin to the ends of this earth and do anything to be with him..and being 4 hours from the beach wont hurt either. ;)

Other news quickly before I pass out because its 2:30am and I'm still up watching trash tv: Brennan graduated Recruit training and is now back in Infantry training in Camp Pendleton, CA and only has about 5 weeks yet before he comes home for awhile we hope!!! He is a reservist right now so has signed on for 6 years but is not active duty so he won't be the very first to go fight but not too far behind..there's a great chance he will be deployed sometime within the next 6 years..sad but were so proud of him and cant wait to love on him and have him home at least for awhile. He has been through more than most people will ever dream and he's truly our hero. <33 Work is going well..still workin at my little salon mom and dad set up for me under Morgan Servies and I am loving it. Not tooo busy yet but slowly building a clientelle and really enjoying what I do. I've even thought about going back to school though to do something with the justice system but I can't decide. I'm just not completely fulfilled but I just think its because I'm not super busy yet. But my clients that I do have are so amazing and wonderful and I really do love what I do. It lets me be creative and doesn't even seem like a job..I am so blessed. My family is wonderful..just trying to enjoy summer together..lots of days by the pool and cookouts..OH and I turned 21 last week and had a blast celebrating! I am so thankful for my family and friends. I am one lucky girl and I owe it all to my Savior. This time last year I was dealing with so many battles and struggling with what was to come and what decisions I was supposed to make but looking back EVERYTHING good and bad happened for a reason and got me to this amazing point in my life and I've never felt so at peace and happy and like where I'm at and who I am with is RIGHT. It's amazing what obedience to Christ and prayer can do, I'm tellin ya. Well I'm off to bed..gonna go to Indy with momma tomorrow for wedding dress fittings, wedding band picking, and shopping! To God alone be the glory!!

Too Long.

I can't believe it's been so long since I've blogged. It's a shame really. I always want to say life gets too busy..but really that's no excuse. Last time I checked in things were about the same as they are now: business is great, Austin's wonderful, and I have the best friends and family around. This past weekend my family and I had the opportunity to go see our friends, The Gangloffs, for Janet's surprise 50th birthday party. It was a huge success and SUCH a blessing to be able to be there. It's so amazing how God keeps us fired up and encouraged for Him when we need it most. Being at the Gangloffs is always such a warm and open environment and it would just be so amazing if the world was like that all the time. Janet is such a beautiful and radiant example of Christ's love and what it's like to be a true and faithful believer and I look up to her so much. Even though she has been through more than anyone ever should in one lifetime, she continues to ooze Jesus and show that He is the center of her world. Happy Birthday! I'm so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life, even if I don't get to see them very often. It's just so good to be around genuine, pure, strong, and faithful Christians. I love you guys! ...........................................................................................................................................................I get to see my boyfriend this weekend, I get to see my boyfriend this weekend!!! I'm flying down to GA on Friday to see Austin and his family before he MOVES here in a few weeks and I couldn't be more excited. It'll be so good to spend time with him and everyone. God has TRULY blessed me with him. I couldn't think of anyone more perfect for me and it is just so exciting to see God's plan unfolding. I know I may be young, but I truly, fully, wholly know what love is now and it's the best feeling in the world. It blows my mind daily how He brought us together being from two completely different states but I know in my heart that it was truly meant to be. Everything is just working out perfectly and I am so ready to start my life with him. He's so wonderful and loves Jesus and respects me more than anyone ever has and I know that he's never, ever gonna leave me. That is such a wonderful feeling and I can't get enough. It's so true that absence makes the heart grow fonder..the time I do get with him is so precious and sweet and I can't wait to see his face on Friday. I never thought I would say all these goofy, mushy things, but I am so in love it's unreal and I thank God everyday for bringing me someone that I will spend the rest of my life with and can honor Him with and be so happy. ..................................................................................................................................................Life is good. God is good. I could NOT be more happy or more excited for all the amazing upcoming plans in my life. It's wonderful to look back at the past few months and see how life has bloomed. I am literally the luckiest girl in the world and I really need to start counting my blessings more often. I am so excited for everything happening, but even more excited about sharing it all with the best people on the planet. I couldn't imagine my life any different and it's only getting better. ................................................................................................................................. "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the ones who seek Him." - Lamentations 3:21-25

Blessings.

I'm sitting here curled up in my baggy sweats and glasses, pillowcase fresh out of the dryer, just finished talking to my amazing boyfriend before he goes to bed, watching tivo'd episodes of American Idol with my family. Doesn't get much better than this, folks. I'm just in awe of life's blessings lately..and it's nothing exravagant either. Like I've always heard, it's amazing how love can change your life. I appreciate things so much more and Austin has made me re-evaluate so many things and simply be thankful for the everything God blesses us with. Life could not be better. Work has been going so well, not 100% busy yet since I still need to take state boards, but I've had so many family members and friends come give me their business and it's been awesome. (Thanks guys!) We leave for our Carribean cruise Sunday and I am soo excited. My parents, Aimee, the Rykers, the Surbers, and I are going on a 7 night cruise to Belize, Grand Cayman Islands, and Cozumel. I am so ready for some sunshine and best friend time. I will not miss the United States one bit. Ha. Austin and I could not be better. He came and visited this past weekend and it was a blast. We went to Little Mexico, saw my salon, went to the Beef House, went to church, hung out and watched movies at home and just goofed off and layed around and had amazing talks. He's my best friend and I am so anxious for him to move here. Just about 3.5 more weeks and he'll be here!! We're still looking for apartments for him but I'm pretty sure he has a job lined up. Things are really falling into place. We're both just gonna work for about a year and save money until we can get married sometime next summer. I don't care that I've only known him 7 months, I am 100% sure he's who God has for me. After all, my parents got engaged after 3 months..funny how you follow in their footsteps in certain things. ;) I'm the happiest I've ever been and I owe it ALL to Christ. My parents have been pretty great with everything too, I'm just so thankful for all their love and support. Brennan's been gone 6.5 weeks today at boot camp..halfway done! I couldn't be more proud. It's a daily struggle having him gone and I think I see my momma cry at least twice a day, but the day we go to San Diego and watch him be presented with his Eagle, Globe, and Anchor and deemed a US Marine will be one of the most amazing moments we'll ever experience. I don't know many people, especially in this day and age, who are willing to go serve at 17 years old and enjoy it as much as he does. Truly an American hero and I'm so lucky to call him, "brother."

I guess it just all comes down to this: I serve one AMAZING and FAITHFUL God, I have the perfect job and am supported by so many people, and I have THE BEST friends and family in this entire world. Honestly, what more could you ask for? I am firm and confident in my salvation and relationship with Christ and know that I have people to turn to day or night for anything I would ever need. I have been blessed with way more I deserve but it's so amazing what life has to offer when you start living for God and trusting that everything..will always..be okay. It's so easy to say that we trust God when things are good but even in trials we need to have the same spirit and I'm learning to live that way. We should cling to Christ most and have full faith in His plan even when we can't see "why." To trust Him means to whole-heartedly have faith in a NEW way..a less worried way. Gosh, things are great. I've just been so encouraged lately and I'm so happy with how everything is falling into place. Now I just need my boyfriend here and life will be even better.

For all you reading, I love you. God loves you. I'm praying for you and no matter what you're going through right this second, God is BIGGER. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Love life and life will love you back.

Crazy Love.

I couldn't sleep last night so I was kinda rummaging through my room going through things when I found a Target bag from a few weeks ago with the book, Crazy Love by Francis Chan inside. I had always seen this book at Christian bookstores but never really read the back but when it was on sale a few weeks ago I decided to pick it up not even knowing what it was about. So I figured reading always makes me sleepy and little did I know, I was about to open up and read life-changing words. I got through about 70 pages before I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore but I already can't wait to finish it...and then read it again. The jist of the book is living DIFFERENTLY for Christ. Not just knowing who God is but really having a desire to fear Him and live for Him. To realize that life is 100% more abundant when lived for God, and that we are NOTHING without Him. In the beginning of this book, Francis has you stop and go look up a video on just how BIG God is. (I will post it at the end of this post) It will change your whole outlook and will stop you in your tracks and let you marvel in his totally awesome and creative mind and make you realize just how SMALL you really are. Incredible.

Even though I haven't been struggling with one specific sin lately in my life I have been praying for conviction on even the smallest things in my life: patience with my parents, letting a curse word slip out when I am frustrated, letting myself get overwhelmed for no reason..and not to say that these things don't matter but what I want is to live a clean life. To live right because I want to and not just because it's what I should do. I think we, as Christians, get complacent. We forget the true meaning behind why we try and do the right thing. We go to church because our parents go, because we were raised to believe that Sundays are for church and not because we are hungry for more Jesus..we pray before bed because it's routine or we want something, not because we want a real conversation with God. We do the right things in front of our peers and in public because it makes us look better and seem like good people, not because we know we owe God our lives and to be examples and witnesses. We HAVE to change. We have to WANT Jesus. We have to know that a life lived for God will be, not can be, but WILL be better than anything this world has to offer. We have to whole-heartedly trust that even though it's not always the most popular thing, taking a stand for Jesus WILL change lives and that God promises good for those to seek Him. We will never be able to fully understand God and what He is up to in our lives, but we must not stop searching. Ever.

I have friends lately that have turned to worldly things for comfort and peace and simply to "numb" the life they know..when really they don't even have it bad at all. It breaks my heart for people who have experienced God's goodness and still choose to live that way. NOT saying I am perfect at all or never choose this world, but that is what this book is teaching me, to WANT to change and to trust that God will be sufficient if we do the right thing. If everyone could see just a glipse of God's grace and peace and faithfulness I just know that this world and it's problems would be different. People often ask why God "lets" bad things happen when in reality the only explanation He "owes" us (and really He doesn't owe us anything..) is that He is God, and that is enough if we trust and know that He has a plan. We often think that if we were given the chance to play God, that we, dirty sinning humans, wouldn't dare let bad things happen because it's just not fair. Shame on us. We think we could do better when we sin every single day and yet the BLEMISH-FREE, ALL-KNOWING, and PERFECT God we claim to trust IS doing just that: what is best and we have to know that it is for our good. We wouldn't be true Christians if we didn't believe that. God promises good to those who believe and life is so short so we have to share that with the hopeless. It's what we are called to do.

I often wonder why when people are buddhist or atheist or taoist or wiccan or "coexist" they get a "thumbs-up" for being different and exploring options but yet if someone finds out you're a Christian it's either looked down upon or that you're just like everyone else. THIS IS A PROBLEM. Chrisians are more known for what they don't do: don't drink, don't have sex before marriage, don't go out with their friends, don't have fun, don't like anyone different than themselves, etc., than for what we are doing. We should be known for helping others first, loving unconditionally, NOT JUDGING, doing whatever it takes to show God's love, still being in the places where there are no other Christians to be a witness, and simply sharing the truth but not shoving our beliefs down people's throats. IT IS SO IMPORTANT to change people's views on Christianity..the fate of our religion depends on it. Our generation is so good at being bold and making thing happen and if we could only do this with Christianity, too, I know there would be a revolution.

Something that REALLY bothers me is that Christians are first and foremost known for judging anyone who is different, down to little things. Having tattoos and facial piercings and a gay friend who I hang out with regularly, I personally have felt judged around "church people" and in certain churches and I feel that this is SO wrong because no one got the chance to get my beliefs and that I believe in God. It was overlooked my my outward appearance and that is something that makes me SO sad. I know my parents don't neccessarily like my tattoos and such but as TRUE CHRISTIANS we are called to look at everyone's heart and not be so worried about the outside. One of my favorite bible verses EVER is one that my brother, Brennan, wrote in crayon on a piece of paper in like kindergarten and it reads, "Man looks at the outward, but the LORD looks at the heart." - 1 Samuel 16:7 IT IS SO TRUE..and if we are trying to be LIKE the LORD..which is the whole point of claiming to be a Christian (Being more like Jesus..) then why are we still looking at outward appearance?! It's insane to me. Matthew 7:1 says, "Do not judge, or you too, will be judged." We can't only follow the parts of scripture that we like, we have to follow it all. So I challenge you today to look past pink hair and black clothes and tattoos and people who don't have money and elderly and ANYONE different from you. You don't know their heart or intentions or where they are in life and your kindness might change them. They will notice and difference in you and you can tell them that it's because you have JESUS. What an amazing way to change the world.

I'm begging you today, right now, as youre reading this, to stop and pray for change in your heart. For a desire to LIVE for Christ and the ability to look past people's flaws for everyone, including myself, has them. It will do you so much good. We owe it to our amazing savior. I'm praying for YOU and know that no matter where you are, you have God.

Now watch this video and be in awe of our inspiring and powerful God who is BIGGER than your biggest problem, fear, obstacle, pain, trial, and hurt and knows everything about you. You are not too far gone. I love you. Now be amazed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpChZxPfa-c

Happiness.

It's unreal to me some people's immaturity. How someone can do SO much wrong you to and still play the victim and expect you to feel sorry for you. How you can absolutely positively know someone owes you respect and yet they still refuse to give you that. I guess it's just a good life lesson on how fast things can change..and how some people just never will. And I guess all you can do is pray that they learn so that they quit hurting everyone around them..and realize that it's not realistic to live selfishly.

Whew. I just had to get that out. :) Anyway, I've been neglecting this again..I've honestly been so busy with LIFE. I know that's so cliche but it's so true. I've spent countless hours the last week or so catching up with my best friends, cleaning, purging, and unpacking my stuff from GA, and setting up Studio 34..which is almost done! Tomorrow morning we put the finishing touches on it and we'll be ready to rock n roll...about dang time. It's been so good to really get settled in at home. Sleeping in my own bed..not waking up at 5:30 every morning..homecooked meals..and having my friends I've known since birth a phone call away. Although I am away from Austin for about a month or so more..it's been good to be HOME. Speaking of Austin, he's coming to visit in 8 days for the weekend and I can hardly contain my excitement. He's coming to see how things go for when he MOVES here in April!! Yep, he's coming, and I couldn't be happier. Like I said, when you KNOW, you just KNOW. I've never felt so free and content in my life and I have no one to thank but my amazing Savior. Things are still just falling into place and it's amazing to know that I have an amazing future ahead of me. I never would have thought I would be where I am right now, even down to sitting in this chair with my mom and Chloie watching gameshows. Faith is really an amazing thing and I'm so glad I've learned to just sit back and TRUST. Church was so good this past week. Pastor Terry talked about how we 'know the bible is real," and why I don't doubt that it is in any way, it was good to see those examples and scripture. I can't tell you how thrilled I am to be able to sit in church with my family again every Sunday. It's definitely something I need and again, God's timing is just shining through.

We've gotten several letters from Brennan at Marine Corps boot camp in San Diego and he's doing so well. I could not be prouder. He got all 4 wisdom teeth taken out with no anesthesia except 12 novacane (sp?) shots but I guess recovered well and fast. They had their first big drill competition this past Sunday and if their platoon scored 70 or above (whatever that means) they'll get a phone call home. So our fingers are crossed!! We're missing him so much and with all this controversy going on with him being allowed to wear his dress blue military uniform to high school graduation or not (see local news station websites and newspapers..) things have just been crazy and it's been hard not to think about him constantly and miss him. So keep him in your prayers!! 4 weeks down..9 to go!! Almost 1/3 of the way done!! Ooh rah!!

Overall, things are great. I'm gonna have to go to GA to take my state boards I just found out, but other than that, it's going smoothly. Can't wait to be working full time. I LOVE my shop and Morgan couldn't be more amazing to work with. Life's good. God's good. Praying for YOU reading this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhdN3rndQwo

Home Sweet Home.

I can't believe I have neglected my blog as long as I have, but what a crazy week and a half it has been! I officially graduated Paul Mitchell the school - Atlanta last Tuesday where I was thrown an amazing suprise going-away party by my awesome friends Lauren and Amy and it was the best day ever!! Such a relief to be done and moving on to the next chapter of my life. Speaking of moving..mom and dad came down to GA last thursday night to spend some time with our dear friends, the Kimmels, and to pack up all my stuff and move me home. Welllll, friday night on our way to eat dinner I was in the car with Austin and it started smoking. We obiously had to pull over and long story short it had to be towed to Conyers to a body shop and fixed and 2 days later we went to pick it up to start our 11 hour journey home only to have it overheat again about 5 minutes after we had payed the shop and left. So the guy came and picked it back up and about 5 hours later it still wasn't done. (We got some awesome shopping in at TJ Maxx and Target though so I wasn't complaining too much..) and ended up going back to the Kimmels for another night and picked it up yesterday morning and finally were able to make the trek back to Crawfordsville. Mom and I followed my dad and it was actually a blast. We listened to all kinds of music and got caught up on the last few weeks and pulled in the driveway about 9:30pm last night. Then Aimee and Drew and Korbin came over and we watched American Idol. Such a good feeling knowing I'm home to stay..but definitely bittersweet.

You're probably all wondering who this Austin character is that I have mentioned a few times in my previous blogs. Maybe not. But either way, you're about to find out. Remember my struggles and heartaches over the past few months? Well God has definitely revealed Himself yet again as to why things work out the way they do and I couldn't be more thankful. I met Austin Halloween weekend when I stayed with my friend Chelci from school. We were both single at the time and I was excited just to see how things went. Well we hit it off great and honestly from then on were inseperable. A few months later I sorta got cold-feet with my future being so unknown since I was about to graduate and wanting to move home (this was all before my salon plans) and so I backed out and went for things and people more comfortable which was the most foolish thing I could've ever done. But I look back now and the say is true: sometimes you don't realize what you've got til it's gone. So somehow over the past month or so, God brought Austin back in my life. Sweet, caring, and forgiving Austin and life COULD NOT be better. He's a wonderful, Christian, hard-working, sweet, sincere, down-home, COUNTRY boy and for the first time in my life, I'm 100% content. He treats me better than I could ever imagine, is so selfless and respectful, and I know that God has us together for a reason. He's still in GA right now working and saving up money but we're planning on having him move to IN as soon as he can and I couldn't be more happy. It's amazing the things God brings your way when you least expect them and when you KNOW, you just KNOW and I'm not afraid for the whole (cyber) world to know!!

Life has just been one HUGE blessing after another and I owe it all to Christ first and my wonderful family second. I could not have and do the things I'm able to without them. I just have had so many amazing oppotunities lately and I'm just so thankful. My good friend Lexi called me the other day and invited me to be apart of Beautiful You..a gathering with high school girls from all over and a speaker and the band, Alanna Story. It has to do with self-image and accepting who you are in Christ and not looking back at your past but remembering that you're beautiful no matter what. Local hairstylists are teaming up to do makeovers on the girls and I think it's going to be a great oppportunity to witness and see how God is working around Crawfordsville and see friends I haven't got to see for awhile and get time to worship. And speaking of doing hair..I'm about to go see my alomst finished salon for the first time today! I am so excited and couldn't be working with a nicer or sweeter girl, Morgan Servies-Smith. I have decided to name my shop "Studio 34" after Psalm 34 which is my favorite book of the bible. I figured it was unique and a good way for people to ask "why 34?" and be able to share my faith in a casual way. I am so excited for all the upcoming events and opportunities and experiences and it it so amazing what happens when Christ replaces worry in your life and you trust Him in everything.

I'll be updating more soon and uploading pictures of the salon. Please spread the word and any questions feel free to contact me : 765.376.5384

God is good, all the time.

Here's a video on Alanna Story, the band that will be at Beautiful You. I have seen them live and they are SO AMAZING:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMTWzMgNzUw

It Is Well.

"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." - Proverbs 16:9

"But whoever listens to me will dwell safely, and will be secure, without fear of evil." - Proverbs 1:33

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall make your path straight." - Proverbs 3:5

"For this is God, or God forever and ever; He will be our guide even to death." - Psalm 48:14

"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass....Rest in the Lord, wait patiently for Him." - Psalm 37:4,7

Verses like these have been flooding my mind for the past few days. I had an amazing weekend with Katie and Chris and Becks and Austin and other wonderful friends and it made me truly realize that my time here in Georgia is coming to an end. I'll be leaving this wonderful and WARM state in 4 days and it's still been surreal until this weekend and today. I got up this morning and drove to Atlanta for a Fusion Extension class taught by an instructor from my school and we talked about how this service would work into my salon plans. And then tomorrow: Tuesday, March 1, 2001 at 3:30pm I will officially be a cosmetology school graduate from Paul Mitchell the School - Atlanta. Funny to look back the the first blog entry I wrote in July and was still living in Indiana and excited to start my life here in GA..and now it's time for me to go back to Indiana..something I never thought I would want to do but know that it is where I'm supposed to be.

My parents have been working closely with Morgan Servies who I will be renting my shop from and working with and they have gotten SO much work done on my room. I literally have THE BEST parents in the world and I am so thankful for their continued support and unconditional love. I have pictures of my salon so far I'll put up at the end of this blog and I am so excited to be going back stress-free to my room almost completely finished. What a huge blessing! It's all coming together so well and all I have left after tomorrow is state boards. I never thought this day would come!!! For all of you that know how much of a procrastonater I am..you know that this is HUGE for me!

Another thing that God has just put on my heart lately is how perfect and wonderful His timing is. I know I've talked about that recently, but it's proving more and more true everyday. I just love the moments in life when you can identify a time or place in the future where things were so unclear and now see exactly why it happened. I live for the moments that I can't explain other than "they were/are a God thing." I feel so sad for the people who don't get to experience God's love and grace on a day to day basis and it's really been motivating me to be more outspoken and bold about my faith. I spent the night with a dear friend from school last week and we were laying in bed talking about life and the subject of God and Christianity got brought up and it really felt good to be able to answer some of her questions and be able to share what an impact Christ has had on my life and how a life lived for God is so much for beneficial than one lived for self. I haven't even experienced TRUE tragedy in my lifetime yet and I still don't know how I would've made it throught certain trials and experiences without Christ. And even when we do rely on God for comfort, strength, peace, etc. it's still very hard sometimes to feel those things, especially right away, so I really can't imagine a life of depending on other humans and being uncertain of your future. It kills me when people say that they "just don't worry about the future or what happens when you die," or that, "everyone goes to Heaven if you're a good person because I don't believe in hell." And I get it, I do, what person who hasn't been raised in a Christian home would want to, at 20+ years old, open a book that says Jesus walked on water, and that blind men were instantly healed, and that the whole earth flooded and that Jonah survived in the belly of a whale and truly be able to be like "yes, even though that's not happening to today's world now, sure I believe it" without hesitation. It sometimes just seems like it wouldn't add up. Had I not had child-like faith being raised in church I'm sure it would all seem far-fetched to me too, but I just wish that everyone could get and feel just a GLIMPSE of what a life lived with Jesus in your heart is like. The abundance and peace that comes with it. I guess it's just something I have to show through my life, and it's so good to be so motivated at such a transition in my life; being able to move back home and start fresh not only in my earthy life, but in my spiritual life and witness as well. Such a good feeling.

I am so excited for the new and crazy-fast changes in my life lately. I know that I am never out of the care of God and that He has an amazing plan for my life. It's so exciting to think of all the possibilities of my future and that it's all happening so soon. "Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul!"

Reflections.

Well, I'm down to my last week here in Georgia. I clearly remember sitting in Katie's bed blogging about how I "only" had 4 weeks of school left and couldn't believe it was ending so soon....imagine how I feel now. Literally 3 school days left and I'm done with my education aside from classes in my future to keep current. I don't think it's REALLY hit me yet, but I'm starting to realize that the people I've seen everyday for 7 months won't be by my side..the teachers who have made me fall in love with hair won't be there to answer my questions, and I won't have 75 degree weather in February EVER back in Indiana. I won't be able to come home to sweet little Beckham, see Katie or Austin whenever I want, and just be completely independent...but I've never been so ready to go home. Ready to see my family all the time..spend late nights with momma and laugh with daddy, have countless girls nights, spend time with Lukie and start my career. Not too stoked about the weather but it's exciting nonetheless. I seriously never thought I would want to move BACK to Crawfordsville. Gosh, it all just blows my mind to think about. Even crazier to think of all the people I want to see that I haven't been able to see when I was home on vacation for almost 8 months. I guess I'm just ready to go back to my roots.

I look back at all the directions my life could've gone. Where would I be had I joined a sorority and stayed a Criminology major at ISU? Had I stayed in Avon and tried to finish cosmo at Regency? It's unbelieveable to look back and realize everything, good and bad, that has happened in the 3 years since I've been out of high school has gotten me here. Gotten me to Georgia and now heading back home. How if anyone would've asked me a year ago where I would be in February 2011, the last thing I would've said is finishing my education at Paul Mitchell the school Atlanta. What a journey it's been and it's amazing to look back and thank God for each step of the way.

I think the thing I am most thankful for recently is how much I have grown in my walk with Christ. How I have learned to effortlessly allow the peace of God to come into my life. How I know who I am and how I want to be. How I crave church and scripture and how thankful I am for everything in my life. How I am able to look back on the trials of my life, expecially the ones I've had here in Georgia and almost chuckle at why they stressed me out so badly. How I've learned to have confidence in my Savior's plan and will for my life. How I've not let little things get me down like they used to. How I need to be soo grateful every single day for Jesus's sacrifice for us. How just when I think I know what and who's right for my life, God changes that, and I'm okay with it. And how MUCH He loves me despite my sinful-natured heart.

I couldn't have asked for a more amazing 7 months here. I wouldn't have changed a thing. Not in the first week and not in this past week. It's all got me where I need to be. I really should start packing though..procrastionation really should be my middle name. Tuesday graduation and then daddy, momma, and Makinze are coming next Friday to pick me up and I absolutely can't wait. I would give ANYTHING for Brennan to be able to be here but I know things are getting better and better for him day by day. I pass a Marines billboard everyday on my way to school and it's such a sweet reminder of how thankful I am for his willingness to serve. It takes a really special person to complete the training he's doing and fight for our freedoms and you better believe there's no prouder big sister out there. So say a little prayer for him as he's mentally and physically WORN OUT by now. I just LOVE him so much and can't wait until May 15 to give him the biggest hug of his life. I miss him so badly it hurts. Semper Fi! "Blessed be the LORD, my rock, who trains my hands for war and my fingers for battle." - Psalm 144:1

Off to finish American Idol and pack my lunch for school tomorrow..one of my last days!! Yikes! So many exciting things going on in my future..moving home, spring break cruise, Lil Wayne concert, my business..the list goes on and on. Thank you JESUS for all the blessings you've given me and my family. "For we live by faith, not by sight." - 2 Corinthians 5:7

"Look back and thank God. Look forward and trust God. Look around and serve God. Look within and find God. He closes doors no man can open and opens doors no man can close."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=memsP8-k5Ew

Update.

I am beginning to wonder why I've ever even once in my lifetime doubted God's timing and plan. Ever wondered why things happened they way they did and ever worried that things wouldn't fall into place. When in reality, I should've known all along that I do not know what's best for myself although I'd like to think I do sometimes. It's funny to me when even in a week's time I can look back and already realize why things happened the way they did. Be so assured that everything is going to be fine, and be so at peace with major changes. This weekend has opened my eyes to this and I couldn't be more thankful. God brings just the right people in and out and back in and back out of your life all for a reason. The "worst" choice I made recently turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I will never stop being in awe of my God and what He is up to and that's what I like about this whole Christian thing..it never lets me down..

Things are going great..starting tomorrow morning will be my last full week of school at Paul Mitchell Atlanta and it is so bittersweet! My parents and my wonderful friend Makinze are coming in like 12 days to help me finish packin up and move back home and then beginning of April I'll be cruising the caribbean. My shop will open as soon as I take state boards, and I'll get to share it all with my best friends and family. Although Brennan won't be home til May, I feel like he's still here with us and we'll definitely be keeping him updated through letters. We got his address today and I am so excited to be able to keep him mentally and spiritually encouraged - I know he needs it right now. I've been car shopping online too; bouncing ideas around with my dad and that's something to be looking forward to as well. I've been looking at a Dodge Nitro and a Jeep Patriot..I always knew I was more of an SUV girl. Things really are just starting to get really good and to God alone be the glory. My somewhat recent commitment to go to Christ in prayer whenever I am faced with anything, negative OR positive, is already changing my life so much. I am realizing lately how even the little things can make my day so much better..taking 2 minutes to just sit in the sunshine outside and just lay around with Katie and Beckham and really enjoy my last days here in Georgia. Thinking back on the amazing summer I had with my family, and although taking that time off of school maybe wasn't the BEST idea in the world, I have memories I'll never ever forget that outweigh any education I could've gotten at that point in my life. Taking the time to really be thankful and savor every moment with the people at school that I'll no longer see everyday here in about 2 weeks. Just be thankful for day to day life and not wish any of it away.

Another encouraging devotion just came via text from momma. Be inspired:

"Learn to live from your true center in Me. I reside in the deepest depths of your being, in eternal union with your spirit. It is at this deep level that My Peace reigns continually. You will not find lasting peace in the world around you, in circumstances, OR IN HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS. The external world is always in flux - under the curse of death and decay. But there is a gold mine of Peace deep within you, waiting to be tapped. Take time to dive into the riches of My Residing Presence. I want you to live increasingly from your real center, where My love has an eternal grip on you. I am Christ in you, the hope of Glory."
- "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." - Colossians 3:15

Lots of exciting things going on right now. Mostly just excited about how God is using my life. I really feel like getting back home and getting plugged back into church is going to wonderful. I always used to hear that something like 80% of people who were raised going to church every Sunday while they lived with their parents would stop going after they moved out and I never thought I would be one of those people until I've looked back recently at how busy life has gotten and how uncomfortable it can be to go church shopping or get up on your one day to sleep in. Shame on me. I know that you don't really HAVE to be in church to still be in tune with Christ but I know that it is spiritual food and something that I have been lacking and I can really tell. I can't wait for weekly encouragment and guidance once again as I move home and make it a habit in my life again. It's something that is so important to me and I can't believe I've gone this long without a church family.

I encourage anyone who is reading this..if anyone at all..to stop right now and pray. Pray for your week, pray for those you know need salvation. Pray for struggles and things you're insanely happy about. Pray for your families and friends and work and financial trouble. Pray for worries and even your enemies. It will do wonders for your day. I'll be praying for each of you too, for this week and for your roles in my life, no matter what they are. You are loved so so much by a God who is bigger than your biggest problem or fear. Rest easy because the Shephard never sleeps..

Thankful.

"When I am dealing with an all-powerful, all-knowing God, I, as mere mortal, must offer not only with persistence, but also with patience. Someday I'll know why."

-Ruth Bell Graham

It's hilarious to me how serious I take the trials of this world. How I look back to the problems and pain I had even just months ago and shake my head at how silly it all seems now. There have been times recently when I was so shocked and hurt that I could barely breathe..barely stay attentive enough for a conversatoin..barely sleep enough to get through the next day. BUT we are called to give thanks and praise in afflictions and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. My momma always taught me to give my day to God every morning so that it will completely change my entire day..and it always does..so I have been keeping that mindset lately and anytime I have been down or sad or hurting even the slightest bit I say a quick prayer for restoration and peace and it's unreal how fast I feel those things. I worry too much. I get that from my mom too and it's something that I really need to work on because worrying really is a sin.

"To trust Him means, of course, trying to do all that He says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way." - C.S. Lewis

I've always been one to give advice to my friends and family..been easy to talk to I feel like and I'm always the first to point to Christ. "Lean on Him for understanding," and "God will get you through, He always does." But who am I to give that when I am not going to that same advice first? It just comes down to being able to fully rely on the fact that God has me right where He wants me and that my timing is not always His timing. I really am doing so much better than I thought I would be though. Everyone knows how emotional and sensitive I can be (not always a GREAT things but I like to look at is as a quirk, ha) and so for me to be handling all the stress and confusion life has thrown at me lately like I am is crazy. It's always those first few days; intial shock and then you start to heal but being a who I am AND a girl it takes me much longer..and for some reason God has just had my heart in His hands this week and I am so super thankful. I know, I know..I need to start practicing what I'm preaching and just stop talking about it all but it's just what the majority of my prayers and thoughts have been about this week and so when I get it out I really GET IT OUT and I can let go. Which is exactly what I'm doing. I will never be able to fathom the perfectness of Christ but I am so glad I have seen huge glimpses these past few weeks.

On a lighter note, graduation is rapidly approaching! I have tomorrow and then 5 days next week and I am officially done with cosmetology school! I will have state boards to take when I get back to Indiana after 4-6 weeks being done with my 1500 hours and work and I could not be more happy. Like I said a few days ago, although I'm going to miss the people and school SO much, there were several days in the past 2 years when I never ever thought it would come to an end but I am finally here and it feels so good. So good to have accomplished something and so good to have a PLAN. I can't wait to start working and making people feel beautiful. Have my own place and hours and Morgan to work with and be in my hometown and be able to see my friends and family whenever I want and just start my new life all over again. So for now I'm just gettin those hours at school and starting to pack up my stuff! For every door that closes, another opens..even if it is back in Crawfordsville, Indiana.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness, and streams in the wasteland." - Isaiah 43:18-19

Oh and just a little funny something that's helped get me through this week:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLUvO8QUmXc

For The Girls.

This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times.

This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and the guys that they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slighest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive the hope that maybe, maybe this time he'll have understood. This is a homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention.

This is for the girls who have been in the trenches and who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and screw up the guys in their lives without saying a word.

This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the rite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to, "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, and who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love but know that it's an experience they don't want to miss out on.

This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomitting guy friend or a comatose crush; who have recieved a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed.

This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl he sees in a skirt.

This is for the girls who have been told they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom but won't because it's easier to sleep with someone than foster a realtionship. This is for the girls who have been led on by words or kisses or touches, all of which were either only true for the moment..or never even real to begin with.

This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone.

This is for the girls who have had their heart broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to just be a random hookup.

This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a realationship; it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if only you conforted him right, said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the nights you've realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the, "I really like you so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends in life, you seldom choose ones that make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've recieved from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and a teddy bear.

This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd ever truly wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think they deserve more because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

See, this is what I don't understand: men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, they guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives..that girls play mindgames..that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet men I ask you this: were you to meet one of these genuinely interesed, thrilling, compelling, intelligent and beautiful and sweet and caring girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call...and if you were to recieve a phone call from her the next day, and in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straight-forward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intruiging and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material for which she could see you being her boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them about the "stalker chick" you met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told you the truth? And would you or would you not then refuse to make plans with her, see her again because you've built up your ego to your friends..but then once again return to the bar or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not really looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinelly interested in your intramural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; youre looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover, sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the lowcut shirt or the too-tight miniskirt won't answer your woes, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in suggestive clothing - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning I'll be back in a teeshirt and flannel pants..I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the easy girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl, so don't say you're looking for a relationship because relationships take time and energy and intent: 3 things you're willing to extend but in return we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, 3 things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after easy-targets..the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with a towel and a water bottle and a hug, hoping againt all odds that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting.. however, until that happens, we still have eachother, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat. (Because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate, anyway?)

Revealed.

My mom called to check up on me and remind me just how faithful God is. She's been doing a devotional but was a few days behind but decided to go ahead and catch up anyways and how much these next few exerpts apply to Brennan leaving and all this crap with my relationship is unreal. It's mindblowing how much God has reavealed himself to me since Monday and I feel like God meets you right where you are:

"Come to me for rest and refreshment. The journey has been too much for you are you are bone-weary. Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion. Instead, see it as opportunity for Me to take charge of your life. Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including THINGS YOU WISH WERE DIFFERENT. Start with where you are at this point in time and space, ACCEPTING that this is where I intend you to be. You will get through today one step, one moment at a time. Your main responsibility is to remain attentive to Me, letting Me guide you through the many choices along your pathway. This sounds like an easy assignment, but it is not. Your desire to live in my presence goes against the grain of "the world, the flesh, and the devil." Much of your weariness results from your CONSTANT BATTLE against these opponents. However, you are on the path of My choosing, so do not give up! Hope in Me, for you will again praise Me for the help of My presence."
- "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28
- "Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." - Psalm 42:11


"I am above all things: your problems, your pain, and the swirling events of this ever-changing world. When you behold My Face, you rise above circumstances and rest with me in heavenly realms. This is the way of Peace, living in the light of My Presence. I guarantee that you will always have problems in this life, but they must not become your focus. When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say, "Help me, Jesus!" and I will draw you back to Me. If you have to say that thousands of times daily, do not be discouraged. I know your weakness and I meet you in that very place."
- "And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms of Christ Jesus.." - Ephesians 2:6
- "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," He said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind he became afraid, and, beginning to sink cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed back in the boat, the wind died down." - Matthew 14:28-32


"Seek my face more and more. You are really just beginning your journey of intimacy with me. It is not as easy road, but it is a delightful and privileged way: a treasure hunt. I am the treasure and the glory of my presence glistens and shimmers along the way. Hardships are part of the journey too. I map them out ever so carefully, in just the right dosage, with a TENDERNESS YOU CAN HARDLY IMAGINE. Do not recoil from afflictions, since they are among My most favored gifts. Trust Me and do not be afraid, for I am your strength and song."
- "My heart says of you, "Seek His face!" and your face, Oh lord, I will seek." - Psalm 27:8
- "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." - 2 Corinthians 4:7
- "Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense. He has become my salvation." - Isaiah 12:2

..I've been clinging to these all day. Today has not been easy but for every dark night, there's a brighter day after that. So I'm handling it all the best way I know how and somehow, that's good enough, because Christ will always suffice.

Shoebox.

Living in Georgia hasn't brought me too many GREAT things. Aside from finishing school and spending time with Katie and her wonderful family, I've really learned a lot about how I have taken the most special things in my life for granted. My family and my friends. Something that has hit me like a frickin' ton of bricks this week is how quickly people come in and out of your life. There are people that are no longer apart of me that I never ever thought would be gone, and people I never saw coming. Both have purposes far beyond why I can imagine but I guess I say that to say: it KILLS me that some of the people I've grown to love and see every single day are about to be out of my life maybe even forever. The people I have gone to school with at Paul Mitchell in Atlanta (with the exception of a few people I had issues with..see previous blogs..) have been some of the most real and genuinely cool people I've ever known. My learning leaders Matt and Destiny who taught me how to love hair again and not take myself so serious..to Lauren and Aeriel and Elizabeth and Shade..Laura and Monique and Melanie and Calisto..just to name a few. Each person I've gotten close with has shown me a new side of personalities and traits I never knew only living in small town Crawfordsville, IN..and I also realized that some of these people truly are invested in me and seeing me succeed and be happy, just as I am in them. I've talked to these people, cried with them, laughed harder and been crazier and been through a lot and it's so crazy to me that I go back to Indiana soon and they'll all be a memory until the next time in Georgia and even then I won't have time to see them all. Everyone comes from such diverse and different backgrounds and places but I am so thankful for each of their roles in my life. They've literally gotten me through some of the most difficult moments of my life..even when I was being a bit dramatic. And it also just kills me because even the girls that I went to hair school with in Indiana live only like maybe an hour from my in Cville and I still never see them..life is crazy and busy and moves on even when you don't want it to and it scares me that I may forget about some of these people and memories. I just want to lock them up and put them in a shoebox and slide it under my bed for when I'm feeling sad or missing my life here.

And for all the people back home who I have managed to not make time for lately or have seemed to have "forgotten," you're in my shoebox of memories I always have had, don't you worry. My best friends who have been there since birth..preschool..elementary..high school..ISU..all of you. I love you and can't wait to get back and pick up right where we left off. I don't know if it's the realization that I'm about to start all over AGAIN back home..or just simply the things that have happened this past weekend/week that have just made me realize how precious time is with the people that really mean the most to you..you never know when that time's up..and even when you do know..you're never quite ready to let go.

God continues to bless me with peace which is something I am just in awe of. As I said yesterday I just expected to have a cruddy and lonely week and Christ has given me just the right people to keep me distracted and motivated. I am a Child of God and it would be false of me to claim that and not fully believe in His plan. 8 school days and 2 and a half weeks til I'm home for good. The countdown is slowly dwindling and it's so bittersweet. Thank you Jesus for sunshine, best friends and that I am never out of your sight..

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSp-3kvKQZs

You Never Let Go.

I woke up for school today expecting to be completely drained. Completely overwhelmed and completely ready to spend the whole day in bed. But it was actually the opposite. I felt ready to take on the school day; to go surround myself with friends and take my mind off of my crazy issues back home. I got ready and got in my car and put in a worship CD I burned not too long ago knowing that any day started with praise music is always a good day..and this morning I knew it would make me feel even better. A few songs went by and I was just thankful for my time with God. Thankful for family and friends who stick by my side and are always encouraging. And then a song came on that is one of my favorites and one we sang in church when I was home this past Sunday. "You Never Let Go." Those 4 words drastically gave me a peace that topped the already good feeling I had. I literally put the song on repeat and just soaked in the words:

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

your perfect love is casting out fear.

And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life,

I won't turn back I know you are near.

And I will fear no evil, for my God is with me, and if my God is with me,

whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, you never let go! Through the calm and through the storm.

Oh no, you never let go, in every high and every low,

Oh no, you never let go, Lord you never let go of me.

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on,

a glorious light beyond all compare,

and there will be an end to these troubles but until that day comes,

still I will praise you, still I will praise you."

It's still just mind-boggling to me that when I should've felt the most alone and frustrated and helpless, Christ fulfilled every hole in my heart. I had a surprisingly good day (with the help of mint chocolate chip icecream and the tannin bed..) but I just am in awe of God's soveriegnty. And can I just say that I have THE best friends in the entire world. I have been somewhat bummed about moving back home now but then I talk to Makinze or Aimee or Haley or Katie and I remember how much fun I have back home with my best girlfriends who are always there for me and who I don't know what I would do without. And seeing my family this weekend got me so excited too. I can't wait to just be able to focus on my new career and Christ and having a blast and realizing I'm still young and figuring myself out, and I'm perfectly okay with that.

Suprising my dad and brother this weekend was absoutely perfect. I was worried that somehow it would get out but I really tried to keep it off facebook and stuff and it worked! Sunday morning I texted my mom and told her to "save seats" for my brother's friends and then Aimee and some of my friends and I walked in behind Dad and Brennan and I asked them if the seats were taken. They both turned around and the looks on their faces was priceless..they both even teared up a little. (Don't tell them I told you that!) But it was just awesome to be at church with my family and be with Brennan before he left. That was such a hard day but again, nothing we can't get through.

I guess I'm just super thankful for my positive attitude and for God's grace and Him keeping me on track with school and friends and family. Been a weird few days but still trusting in His plan! 9 days of school left then home and planning a roadtrip with my best friends. My new chapter in life's about to be real real good.

This too shall pass.

"You can never find the right person if you can never let go of the wrong. Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after...just that you're happy right now."

Literally just when the distractions of life are fading and when I feel like I have something really great and that not even Satan can stand in my way..He does. My faith and patience have been tested SO much in the past 2 months and I just don't understand. Sometimes I find it very hard not to blame God when things don't go my way or when I am left without answers, but then I really think about it and even when my heart is aching the most and I literally feel like I can't go on..the peace of God that surpasses all understanding proves ever-faithful and unconditional once again. My life drastically changed tonight. Someone who I thought would be there for good is no longer apart of my journey. But it's okay. Because I have a Savior who has a plan. And everything that happens, whether I like it or not, is apart of that plan and it is getting me to where I need to be. Change is such a crazy concept to me..how fast life can change. Literally in 2 minutes everything you thought to be true and real..proves false and fake. It is unreal. But it the most amazing time to draw near to Christ and let Him prove to you that the emotions and experiences of life FADE. Everytime. "When you have nothing left but God, you realize that God is enough." I love that quote..it's very sad that it takes raw and real hurt and discouragement to get to a place where we have to realize that God is ALWAYS enough but at the same time it's an amazing feeling to be broken enough to where all you want is God's love and peace.

Tonight I experienced a hurt I have never known before. A realization that even when you give all of your heart to someone, it is never a guarantee that they will love you back. And even when you feel like you're where you need to be, sometimes it's just simply not meant to be. That even when you feel like you gave your all and treated someone right, it's sometimes not what they need. I thought I had lived through heartbreak before in life being almost 21 and having been through high school and all those challenging years but life really is so much more serious when you get older and when things don't work how you planned..it hurts like hell because you counted on something real. But I do know that my God is bigger than any heartache and any pain. Bigger than any relationship and bigger than any argument. Bigger than your worst and deepest hurt and bigger than our doubt. And that is why I'm alright. I have a faithful God that loves me way too much to see me hurt. That is merciful enough to grant me the desires of my heart. That knows exactly what we need it and why and when even when we can't see it. The verses that keeps going through my heart and mind are:

- "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint of grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not grow weary; they shall walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40:28-33

- "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." -Isaiah 26:3

- "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perserverance. And let perserverance have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." - James 1:2-4

I guess it just all comes down to God's plan. And if you've been following this blog at all you know that the areas I have been dealing with most are : faith, prayer, and peace. This is another trial..but also another victory. Something I can look back upon with great feelings..knowing that I didn't have the slightest notion of what God was up to..but that it got me where I needed to be and that I am never out of His sight and care. Tomorrow is a new day and it can't rain forever. I guess this just further proves that the only men I need in my life are my daddy and my brother. :) I am so thankful for peace and assurance that GOD HAS A PLAN! What an amazing thing. I'm really gonna be just fine..tomorrow is another day to be thankful for life and salvation and my family and friends.

* Also, today was extra hard because Brennan officially left for USMC boot camp in San Diego for 13 weeks (surprising him this weekend by coming home ROCKED, but that's a post for another day..) and prayers would be MUCH appreciated. It was just overall a rough day in the Ranard household but so glad we have Jesus getting us through it all.

This too shall pass.

My AMAZING brother and wonderful daddy. My favorite boys ever.

SO PROUD of you Brennan!! Semper Fi!

Controversy.

I thought about whether or not to blog tonight about something that's been bothering me today but then I remembered, hey, this is MY blog, so I can write about whatever I want. So here goes nothin. (Some of this credit goes to Katie Mahaffey for her wonderful biblical insight!) First, I want to know why it seems as though all hair stylists are liberals with super open minds and strong opinions on EVERYTHING. Or at least what it IS about hair stylists that makes them all seem to be this way. Maybe it's the creativity..the diversity..the dominant gay population? Whatever it is..it all just got to me at school today. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with being open minded, different, or having strong beliefs..that is not what I am saying. What I am saying though is that there is a right way to go about things. And there's ways to get your point across without being hateful. I'm saying all of that to say this: I don't agree with gay marriage. *gasp!* ...We had a long discussion at school today (Paul Mitchell the school Atlanta) because some of the instructors and students are openly boycotting Chickfila for their recent stand against gay marriage. Here's my take on that: why do liberal people think that they can voice their opinions and stand up for what they believe in but when anything that has to do with Christianity steps in, it's automatically not allowed or "close minded" as I was called today. Clearly Chickfila is a Christian company..they aren't open on Sundays, they play Christian music, help out schools and churches, etc. but yet when they take action for something that most biblical Christians would stand up for, it becomes controversial and offensive. Which leads me to my next point: homosexuals who say they are Christians. I pray to God that any gay person that I have ever talked to really IS saved and really does know the true meaning of what it means to have a personal relationship with God, but if you are truly a Christian, you are to flee from sin. (1 Timothy 6:11 says, "But you, O Man of God, flee from these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.") The bible clearly states that homosexuality is sin and that it is unnatural. (Romans 1:26-27 , Leviticus 20:13) So if you are stating that you are gay AND you are a Chrsitian..you are not living as a biblical Christian which is the whole basis for the religion. And the argument that you are "born gay" is also false, because humans were made in Christ's image, and Christ was against homosexuality. Genesis 19 tells the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, who were put to death for homosexual acts. I simply believe that you can't be a TRUE biblical Christian and claim the name of Jesus and also claim to be gay. It's contradictory.

NOW, do I judge people who are gay? No. That is not my place. The bible calls us to love like Jesus, who did love everyone but who is also a just God. Would I ever not associate with people that are gay? Absolutely not. One of my best friends, Drew, is very openly gay and I love him very much. Do I agree with his lifestyle? No, but he knows that I don't judge him or think that I am any better because sin is sin, big or small. A lot of people get caught up in the idea that homosexuality is bigger than God. That since it's a "lifestyle sin" and is more and more common, that God can't change the hearts of why people love who they love. But He can. God is BIG. Bigger than ANY sin and like I said, when the fall of mankind took place, God handed us over to sin nature but also promised to rescue us when we called for Him and were ready for change. You have to be willing and want to change your lifestyle and sin issues before it will ever really become right and pure in your heart. I know that this is a very "touchy" subject and that there are many opinions and views on what is right and everything but as a Christian, I go by the Holy Bible and God's word says more than once that being gay is not right and that it is unnatural and I'm sticking by my beliefs no matter how unpopular. We are not called to be the majority and Christ said that being a Christian would not be easy but I've always remembered that "if you don't' stand for something, you'll fall for anything" and I agree so much. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I honestly feel as though I am right in this as far as not being close-minded, but simply backing up truth with the basis for my religion and my Godly reasoning. I am never looking to offend anyone but as Christians, especially in today's world, we are called to be bold.

That's all I got. Just a lot bouncing around in my head after a few heated discussions at school today. I often find myself wanting to get frustrated when people don't understand where I am coming from, but to each his own. I guess what bothers me most is when people can have an opinion of their own but when someone says something to contradict what they believe, it's 'wrong' or 'judgemental." I just know what I believe to be right and true and what Jesus says and that's something I will always take a stand on and never apologize for.