I have never been so conflicted in all my life about a decision. I was so set on coming here and having it be all that I've ever wanted. Not to say that it's not been amazing because I finally got on the right track with school (only 6 weeks left!!) and spent unforgettable times with friends and even made new ones but it's just not HOME. Everyone always says to move and go experience new places and people and such when "you're young and not tied down" but the more I think about it..that's wrong. I feel as though you should spend as much time with your family and familiarity while you still can. I had a friend who married young once tell me that marriage and growing up is so weird because there comes a time when you can't just run home and stay at momma and daddy's when everything is going wrong..and you can't just forget the responsibilities of your own home and husband when you want to have a silly girls night out. All these things are for now..when you're independent and free. How I am now. I need my momma when times are tough. I need my best girlfriends to be able to go get slushies at 2:00am and then talk all night. I need that. I NEED Crawfordsville, Indiana.
Still the decision lies ahead! Although I have great reason for moving home (a job lined up, friends, family, a few bribaries from my parents, haha..) I wonder if I'll get home and get bored. Miss this crazy fast-paced life in Georgia..all the fun times and new friends and relationships I've developed. But I just have to remember what my heart tells me. I was having a heart-to-heart with my precious and wise mother on the way back to the airport on friday night just about how I was so torn. There's a little more to all of it and to why it's so hard but I'll spare you my girl drama. :) And she told me one thing that is so VERY important that I had forgotten about : Our God is NOT a God of confusion. He will always direct your path. I've been so impatient waiting on an answer for my future because honestly I've been in more prayer the past 2 weeks than EVER in my life before with little to no REAL assurance of what was going to happen. But I do have to step back, reevaluate and remember that my merciful and ever-knowing God will not leave me in the dark. And for that I am so thankful. God is constantly teaching me lessons in patience because it is something I lack so much of. What an amazing provider my Savior is.
So for now I wait. :) And follow my heart. My dad always told me to do everything for the glory of God..so I'm gonna soldier on, kick butt these last few weeks of school and prepare for a new life back home (if that's even possible..) filled with late night talks with my mother, sitting on my kitchen counter and tanning at 4am with the 3 best girlfriends God could have given me, endless laughs with my baby brother (who leaves for Marine boot camp in February by the way, but I can't even think about that right now..prayers people!!), dinners with my hilarious dad, rekindling old relationships that should never have been torn apart in the first place, getting back into regularly attending church, and just the love and compassion of all that I know and call HOME. Thank you, Jesus, for peace.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and you will find me when you seek me with ALL your heart." - Jeremiah 29:11-13
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