Hope.

"Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered - how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to You; at best, each of us is but a breath. We are merely moving shadows, all our busy rushing ends in nothing. We heap up wealth, not knowing who will spend it. And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you."

- Psalm 39:4-7 NLT

I'm finally letting go and actually feeling. Allowing myself to accept reality. That life isn't always a cakewalk and that some memories will always remain even against my will. That things of the future, often remind me of things of the past. That some things, though once sweet, are now bitter..and not always bittersweet. That life moves on, faster at times than others. And sometimes I just can't help my sad or hurt emotions, no matter how bright the sun is shining or even when I'm with the best of friends..and that's okay. That searching for answers in things that backfire everytime, sometimes seem like the best option, but they're not. That certain days when driving just to have quiet time are more comforting than any words that could ever be said. That sometimes no matter how hard I hope for something, sometimes it's just not meant to be. And even though I feel like everything should go my way, this is life, and that's not how life works. But that through faith and hope in an amazing, ever-present and faithful, unconditional, loving, jealous, merciful God things will always be okay.

I am so tired of rushing my life. Although it's such a short period of time I'm rushing I feel as though I am not getting what I can out of everyday God is giving me. Sure, I'm so excited to move home and start my new life (as I'm sure you all know by now..) but seriously, I'm beginning to almost feel bad for wishing my last few weeks here away. I just need to slowww down and be thankful and grateful for sunshine and laughter and friendship and experience and this season of my life...

I wrote all the above about 20 minutes ago. Everything wrong has been building up and I'm just so exhausted. I don't feel like finishing. Enjoy the happiness that was earlier. I need to say my prayers and sleeeeeep.